…because you’re mine. I also read your tarot cards and it looks like there’s a dark haired beauty in your future.
Happy Valentine’s Day, lover!
xx Ramona Ryder
…because you’re mine. I also read your tarot cards and it looks like there’s a dark haired beauty in your future.
Happy Valentine’s Day, lover!
xx Ramona Ryder
I have always been interested in the art of seduction. Physical attraction, sexual power dynamics, nylons, corsets, lingerie, fetish, BDSM, and anything deemed taboo have bewitched me for as long as I can remember. I recall watching Disney movies and obsessing over Ariel’s bikini top, appreciating the way her scaled hips moved, and also wanting to emulate Jessica Rabbit. Before long, I was admiring Morticia Addams, who is more a reflection of my current reality. My online persona is a curated version of me but ultimately, Ramona Ryder is no act, although I am famous for my sessions involving role play.
I am passionate about my vocation and have no doubt that being your Mistress is my true calling in life. I get to explore my sensual interests and live by the pleasure principle versus having to compartmentalize myself like I did when I still had an office job. I have no boss and I only session with people whom I genuinely want to see. I have a firm rule with myself to not let a financial transaction be the sole or driving factor as to whether or not I decide to see someone. I don’t let anyone into my sacred space, much less touch me, unless I truly want to engage. Since I only see new clients whose initial communication with me has sparked a feeling of connection, the likelihood that we’ll have more in common than just lust is greatly increased. Written communication is your opportunity to make a good first impression, but ideally it can be the onset of our foreplay. After all, the sexiest part of the human body is the mind.
I always get a few butterflies before seeing a client. Whether it’s an initial encounter or our 25th dinner date, it feels like the first time for me every bespoke session- I put the same amount of care and effort into each meeting. I generally avoid men who make a habit out of seeing a lot of women. If you’re a hobbyist out there sport-fucking everyone, then there’s little chance for a valued connection. If you find yourself scheduled to see me then consider yourself special. I am selective for my own safety, but also because I like the idea that seeing a provider can be meaningful experience. I will figure out what makes you tick given the opportunity and I hope that we get to keep ticking together for a long time to come.
xx Ramona Ryder
TO PROVIDERS: I recognize that I am privileged in an industry where many women don’t feel they have the luxury to pick and choose with whom they get to engage. Whatever your circumstances are, I hope that you can make it a priority to trust your intuition when deciding to see a new client. My current suggestions for screening are to request two provider references from clients from providers with websites or verified online ads. Most providers request that the references provided by clients have been seen within the past year. If they have no references then I request LinkedIn account information and a photograph of their driver’s license with their full name, date of birth, and a photo visible (all other information can be blocked out). I have a specific section on my FAQ that addresses what you could do with clients without provider references. Some providers opt to call men at work to verify their identity and employment status, but I find this method to be invasive and potentially problematic, so I don’t personally use it. In addition to the above information, I also use VerifyHim and SafeOffice to screen clients to see if they are on any national blacklists for time-wasting or more serious offenses such as stalking, harassment or violence. Truthfinder has been suggested as another resource, but I can’t yet vouch for it as I have yet to use it. If you have any questions on how to screen potential clients, or on how to use any of the aforementioned resources, then please don’t hesitate to direct message me on Twitter or Switter. Hugs and stay safe out there!
I will be offering doubles with Miss Zoe Oliver in Union Square (San Francisco) January 16th-19th. Happy 2019- you only live once!
Come closer dear, I bite!
The word “dominatrix” conjures up all sorts of images for most of you reading this. Maybe it brings to mind a stereotype of a cold, domineering woman in thigh-high boots, sadistically torturing a helpless male as she laughs at his pleas for mercy. Or maybe you’ve actually seen a domme or two and enjoyed your own bespoke session where you got to safely explore whatever kinks lie deep within your perverted heart. Whatever the terms “dominatrix” or “domme” bring to mind, if you have not yet seen me, then be open to a new image seared into your memory and get ready for a wild ride. As your Mistress, you’ll still have some pretty vivid memories, even if you just see me for straight GFE.
I started off in tantra-based sex work and tantra will always be my foundation. When I started providing prostate stimulation, strapon play, fantasy fulfillment, and domination in my early days, it always had a sensual and compassionate edge. My first blog post was based on a session quote from a sweet masochist, “You inflict pain with such love, Mistress.” I’ve had men try and get me to humiliate or shame them and it was always inauthentic when I tried; my session settings are based in something far from anything mean-spirited and I don’t enjoy activities that border on cruelty (minus therapeutic impact play and some sensual CBT). If I don’t enjoy doing something or mean it, it is pretty obvious. I have strong connections with my men because I genuinely adore seeing those whom I grant the privilege of sessioning with me. I’m a Mistress whose heart is truly in it.
I have always advertised myself a dominatrix in addition to providing escort services and happy endings, but if I had to label myself for non-SEO and advertising purposes, I am more of a service top and a kink expert. Because I am an escort, many “pure” dommes would not consider me a dominatrix or a dominant at all, and in many ways, they are right. Sex can be considered subservient and I aim to please you as much as I use you for my own pleasure. A service top does not fit into the typical BDSM relationship dynamic of dom/sub or top/bottom as we enjoy topping in accordance with our partners’ desires, which is considered a submissive act because, instead of pure dominance, we are fulfilling our partners wants and not just our own. Luckily for me, when I fulfill my partners’ desires, I am bringing myself deep satisfaction and therefore everyone is happy.
I enjoy providing and controlling the experience, but as stated earlier, I only enjoy myself if you enjoy yourself. A sadist is one who has no regard for their partner or bottom. I can border on being a sensual sadist at times, but only if I’m dealing with a masochist who has a raging, dripping hardon the whole time. All these BDSM terms get complicated and if you’re super vanilla and don’t understand half of this, that’s OK. I enjoy vanilla, too and we can have a good time without any bells and whistles, baby! As for being a kink expert, I am highly trained in safety procedures, bloodborne pathogens, anal play, and so much more as you can see from my Kink FAQ. Maybe kink expert sounds too scary for you? Well then, you can call me a sex Goddess, how’s that?
Sex Goddess, vanilla GFE, kinky companion, alternative escort, travel partner in crime, service top, carnivorous dinner date, sensual dominatrix…it’s all a part of what I offer. I am a non-judgmental counterpart in a safe setting who is helping to facilitate unique experiences that we’ll both remember forever and use as masturbation material for years to come. The lucky men who have seen me know the range of delights of which I am capable. Those who have yet to session with me might not know what they are getting themselves into, even after reading my website- specifically my session descriptions and my FAQ.
What can you expect from a non-BDSM session from me? If you request an Amour session then we will have a truly present and intimate connection that is a passionate and steamy romp and probably pretty GFE-esque depending on how intimate you are open to being. I had a gentleman recently say that he was hesitant to meet me because he thought I’d find him boring as he was “vanilla.” This is far from true! Yes, I do post more on my Twitter about kink because it is hard to capture the intimate, sweet, tender moments in a session or adequately describe a mind-blowing orgasm- those are for us and our private memories. If you have specific requests for Greek or other specialties of mine, then it may get a little spicier and bordering PSE, less vanilla, but still not veering into the world of BDSM. I assure you that staying in this realm is a total pleasure for me. Amour sessions can also include light prostate pleasure, working on orgasm control and delay if you are a quick shooter, and navigating erectile dysfunction as I have some tricks up my Agent Provocateur lingerie.
If you request a Kinky Amour session then get ready for your requests to be executed to the letter. It’s times like these that I wish my reviews on TER and Nightshift were still public as they vividly described some of the mischief I got up to before SESTA/FOSTA got them removed from the internet. But, PrivateDelights has some less graphic but still solid reviews of my session style. Some of my favorite kink sessions involve dirty talk, latex fetish, leather love, bondage, sounding, tease and denial, edge play, cock and ball bondage, latex vacuum bed fun, sensory play and deprivation, flogging with soft deerskin to stingy rubber, impact play, spanking bad boys, needle play, foot worship, trampling, nipple stimulation, sensual direction and topping, switching with partners I know and engaging in moderate to heavy PSE, and my most favorite kink session activity being role play.
I adore role play and that is probably one of my strongest offerings. I love to plan in advance and get into character from the first moment. I have an entire room at my incall dedicated to outfits such as office attire from my days as a paralegal (think pencil skirts, button downs, and glasses), nun outfit, nurse uniform complete with the hat and a stethoscope, police uniform, headmistress uniform, school girl outfit complete with plaid skirt, knee socks, and pigtails, club wear, and so much more! I also adore fetish wear requests for things such as OTK boots, latex, leather, stocking and garter worship, and any Agent Provocateur or Bordelle you wish to worship me in. With me, the possibilities are endless for what our session could entail although I do have hard limits, but some of these are flexible with established men i.e. public play or touching my face. Regarding the outfit requests, I have gone so far as to wear a disposable button down so that my inappropriate boss during an intense role play could literally rip my shirt open- it was a fantastic session and I’m still finding buttons all over my private incall!
Start thinking about the possibilities for our time together and let’s make our fantasies come alive. In the end, Mistress Ramona Ryder cannot easily be defined but neither can you. We are all complex, sexual creatures who are evolving and exploring- I just hope we can continue to do it together. So, take my manicured hand in yours and trust me as you’re with a true expert.
xx Ramona Ryder
Well, I've never done nothing
That's ever gonna shame my life
Come around any time you like, honey
There ain't no shame in my bed at night
I'm gonna rip you limb from limb
Sink my claws into your velvet skin
Apparently I am already wet for you, my dear!
AS OF LATE JULY 2018, TER HAS CHANGED MANY ASPECTS OF THEIR SITE, SO THE TIPS BELOW REGARDING CONTINUED USEAGE OF TER ARE MOSTLY RENDERED IRRELEVANT. BUT TIPS ON SURFING THE WEB SAFELY ARE STILL PERTINENT, SO READ ON!
Don’t be a slave to the new rules and regulations online! For those of you who loved The Erotic Review (TER) and used it regularly, I share your pain- TER was the most trusted and established review board in our community. The great thing about TER was the fact that clients could read provider reviews, but providers could also read the reviews clients left; the screening went both ways. Due to this, I got some of my best clients off TER and if a man left inappropriate or derogatory reviews, I steered clear! Additionally, providers were able to white-list clients whom they had seen to flag them as safe to other providers. When we lost TER, we lost yet another safety and screening resource. I have to say that reviewer culture is not necessarily a good thing, as TER is basically Yelp for sex work which can be deemed as degrading, but it was still a great resource for many of us.
Everyone is acting like TER is kaput, but it is actually still active. TER is “unavailable” to those in the USA due to the new laws but there are ways around these new restrictions. If you are using a computer within the United States and want to access TER, you merely have to configure your internet connection to be from a non-US based location or have an anonymous connection. There are two easy ways to do this and I will explain them both.
VPN: A Virtual Private Network, or VPN (see great explanation here), allows users to securely access a private network and share data remotely through public networks. Much like a firewall protects data on a computer, a VPN protects it online and gives users greater anonymity. If you have more questions about what a VPN is and how it works, then please check out this beginner’s guide.
I suggest purchasing a VPN to use on your phone and computer and setting it to a non-US location, such as Switzerland. I use a VPN on my iPhone and my Mac and it has served me well for purposes of using TER. I really use my VPN only when using TER or when using free public Wi-Fi. I could have it on all the time, but if you go on Google, for example, and your VPN is set to France then your results will come up in French and will be marketed toward users located in France. Additionally, when one's VPN is active it can interfere with the usage of things like Netflix. I have been informed by a security expert that NordVPN or TunnelBear VPN is a solid option for PCs and for Macs, ExpressVPN is a good service.
I asked another security specialist about free options for VPN usage and he stated, “There are free VPN services, but they are generally slow and unreliable (or unsafe due to malware). The closest credible guide I could find is here. But in general, if for your clients, I would recommend they pay.”
TOR Browser: Not recommended for use on a work computer as HR can monitor the use of a TOR browser on a work computer. The Onion Router, or TOR browser, was developed so that people could browse the internet anonymously. The TOR network disguises users’ identities by moving their traffic across different TOR servers, and then encrypting that traffic so it cannot be traced back to the user. I found that downloading TOR was similar to downloading Firefox or Google Chrome and, just like those applications, it was free. But unlike those applications, it is a non-profit dedicated to internet security and it is not mining your data. Overall, TOR is just another platform to surf the web, but it just happens to be discreet. When using the internet via the TOR browser, it prevents other parties from monitoring your Internet connection, such as learning what sites you visit, and it prevents the sites you visit from learning your physical location.
Brave is another private browser which has TOR built into to its privacy mode. Brave loads major news sites two to eight times faster than Chrome and Safari on mobile, and nearly two times faster than Chrome on desktop.
For the extra paranoid, you can use a TOR with a VPN.
How to use TER post-SESTA/FOSTA: You’re back online with TER through the use of a VPN or TOR browser, now what? TER as you knew it is a bit different these days. Below are some tips on how to navigate TER now that reviews and profiles of US-based providers are no longer viewable and that the US-based ad boards are inactive.
How to find providers in specific US cities: One can search via the area code of the city where you want to find a provider. Providers have given TER their phone numbers, even if these are not public on their review page, and they will come up in the search. For example, if you are looking for a provider in San Francisco and the Bay Area, you would search the area code “415.” You can figure out the area codes of certain cities are by asking your search engine, “What is the area code for San Francisco?”
Many providers, in an effort to keep their reviews public, have changed their primary location to a non-US location. I frequently tour Japan so my primary location is now Tokyo, even though I am mainly a Bay Area provider. I still come up as San Francisco when searching by area code as I have a 415 number.
On the homepage, you will see “Find Providers” under “Quick Search” and you can just type in the area code in the “Phone” box or you can select “Advanced Search” and type in the area code in the “Area Code” box. I suggest using the “Area Code” box but either way, providers with “415” numbers will appear.
How to find providers by photo and city: The photo board is still active, and providers can post their primary city and the cities that they frequently tour in the title of their photo post. You can find the photo board by selecting “Discussion Boards” and then selecting “Photo Only” under “TER General Boards.”
This whole TER ban in the USA has been a major headache for me. I was not happy when my two main sources of new clients, TER and NightShift, got shut down. I was at the top of my game on both sites and they both got me solid business. Those reviews (especially my TER reviews) helped me get amazing new clients in a secretive world where traditional word of mouth doesn’t really exist.
SESTA/FOSTA has definitely fucked our shit up but we are a crafty community of sexual deviants who will not be suppressed! The world’s oldest profession will continue to exist and adapt as needed. Remember when the phone book became obsolete or when Red Book went down? I don’t but many of you, who have been in the game way longer, most certainly do and you still found me online! Again, on TER I am still listed in the top 100 international providers (currently number 12) and you can find me on the photo board with San Francisco, New York City, Los Angeles, and now Portland as my primary cities. You can also read some of my favorite excerpts from TER and Night Shift reviews on the Praise Page on my website.
To my fellow providers: If you want your reviews to be public again and to come up in area code search results, then please set your primary location overseas. I suggest you also post to the photo board and you can use TinyPic to upload photos. Any provider who gets to see one of my men because of this knowledge that I just dropped is a lucky girl; I abhor scarcity mentality and cattiness. I hope this has helped clients and fellow providers alike- stay safe and naughty out there!
Where there is a will, there is a way.
xx Ramona Ryder
Relevant feedback to this blog as of August 2018:
One client stated that, "TER has recently made it a little harder as they are now requiring "proof" provider home base is outside US." My work around for this providers is to set your ad location on another ad site to another country and send them that link as verification. After you are verified, switch it back to your US location.
Another client wrote, after logging on with my TER aforementioned tips, “Every provider I looked up in the US was completely blank. There were no reviews to be seen. They appeared to all have been taken down and all I got was a note that this person's reviews were no longer on the site.” Yes- if a provider does not change their location to a non-US based location then their reviews will not be visible. Therefore, both providers and hobbyists need to be on board to make this a viable option to continue to use TER as a resource.
If you go home with somebody, and they don't have books, don't fuck 'em!
- John Waters
If you have not yet heard about Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act (FOSTA) and Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act (SESTA), then I hope this piece will give you a general understanding of the current political climate regarding online marketing for sex work and how it is hurting sex workers. Those being impacted range from Dommes to escorts to porn actors- it is hurting everyone in the industry. These bills conflate sex trafficking with any kind of sex work and are touted as an effort to protect trafficked victims but in reality, they are a brutal attack on consensual sex workers and another nail in the coffin of our First and Fourth Amendment rights.
When President Trump signed the bills, he gave federal and state prosecutors greater power to pursue websites that host ads with any potential to aid sex trafficking. To sum it up: it makes websites liable for what users say and do on their platforms; these websites have in turn deleted or revoked certain parts of their sites or their entire platform. The bills undermine essential internet freedoms and go against our First Amendment rights. The consequences of this have not only affected sex workers’ freedom of speech but also sex workers’ Fourth Amendment rights, which protects us from unreasonable searches and seizures by the government. Our online product is being shut down, revoked, and our electronic funds are being seized and frozen. We have no answers as to what the future holds for our online existence and businesses.
SESTA and FOSTA are just beginning to be put into action as they make their way through the legal system. At the moment, they are going after platforms, not individuals. The reason the ad sites and any hosting sites of online communication are rapidly revising their terms of service or are terminated (for now) is that they are scared that they could be liable for the behavior of its users. That’s right- if I meet you through a personals ad posted on Craigslist and we do something illegal, Craigslist is now liable, hence Craigslist no longer has a personals section. Even Twitter is worried about being liable. Their new terms of service states that, “we consider adult content to be any media that is pornographic and/or may be intended to cause sexual arousal.”
By removing our ad platforms, the government has forced trafficked and “survival” sex workers onto the street causing an increase in sex worker deaths and disappearances. Survival sex workers are those who have a decreased ability to say “no” due to desperation to cover basic needs like food, shelter, and feeding their children. They cannot afford the higher end ad sites that are hosted overseas. At least with initial engagements occurring online, these providers could do their due diligence to feel out and screen new clients, but on the streets, there is very little recourse when things don’t feel safe.
It seems like every day there are new bills, laws, amendments, interpretations, updated terms of service agreements, web hosts suddenly shutting down sex workers’ sites, social media banning accounts, and it just does not end. One provider even had her credit card account closed by a big bank due to using it to pay for her online advertising. Sex workers who get paid electronically for clips or porn are having their online assets seized or frozen. PayPal has always targeted sex workers and since PayPal owns Venmo, it is also not a safe option. Twitter and other social media sites have begun to censor or “shadow ban” all sex workers. Shadow banning, also called stealth banning, ghost banning or comment ghosting, is the act of blocking a user or their content from an online community such that the user does not realize that they have been banned- scary, right? If that is not considered a form of direct censorship, then I don’t know what is.
If you’re curious as to how you can stay up to date on these issues and help fight our regression into the dark ages, please visit the following websites and donate anything you can to organizations on the front lines of this fight against this insanity. This is not a comprehensive list of all the sites that are keeping us up to date, serving sex workers, and fighting for our rights, but here are some of them that have come to my attention:
I hope this piece has educated those who have taken the time to read it and aided all my comrades in the fight for our rights. This piece is not the authority on the current state of sex work and the internet; I highly encourage all who are reading this to do their own research. You can read the bills causing this turmoil for yourself here:
Mistress Ramona Ryder
If you are a provider and/or educator who wishes to repost this piece, please ask permission by writing me at mistressramonaryder (at) protonmail (dot) ch.
I am definitely a prurient princess everyday but my life is not all about hedonism. The first thing I do when I wake up is meditate for thirty minutes. Unless, of course, I have chosen to get off immediately upon awakening- I do enjoy morning pleasure! After I meditate, I make tea and eat breakfast. I like to listen to NPR and read the New York Times in the morning; I feel it is my duty to be informed about the state of affairs, however dismal it may be these days.
I have the same routine when I travel alone. When I travel with my men, I like to wake them up with a sloppy morning blowjob. I try to time this before room service so that we don't have any interruptions. Room and maid service always seem to come at the most inopportune moment! I love to be naughty in those crisp hotel sheets at all hours but especially when we are just beginning to stir in the morning. In order for you to get a sense for what I look like, I thought I'd let you see me without makeup in one of my favorite negligees, casually relaxing at Chateau Marmont in Hollywood.
One thing I always do when I travel abroad is write postcards. I would be happy to send you a postcard from overseas if you give me a discreet address. Postcard and letter writing are indeed a lost art but, nevertheless, one that this old soul has a deep passion for. I refuse to "get with the times" as sending mail is a way of expressing my love and longing- basically, a tangible way of saying, "wish you were here" or conveying that I am thinking about you.
My last big trip was to Cuba over New Years. Cuba just recently reinstated mail service which they had not had since the Revolution. It was very special for me to be able to send postcards from there. They took ages to get to the recipients though- some took two weeks others two months. Just like the Cuban government itself, there was absolutely no logic to this.
I'm signing off for now but I do hope we get to wake up to each other soon. Or, at least, lie around in bed together and be naughty.
xx Ramona Ryder
Tie and tease is bound to please!
xx Ramona Ryder
My favorite shoots are always in Los Angeles. I have a dream team down there who I like to work with; it makes shooting feel more like vacation than work. Although, I must say, it's still not easy holding poses while balancing on sky-high Louboutins all day! My partners in photographic crime consists of my photographer Elizabeth Raab and Gwen who does my hair and makeup. My first shoot with them in 2016 was a perfect match from the beginning even though none of us had ever met, we all came together beautifully as a team. Gwen styled me to look more 1950s pin-up and curled my normally straight hair which made me feel so sexy! We totally channeled Bettie Page in that shoot and Elizabeth gave great direction as a photographer.
We played around with more fetish fantasy and got videos like this during our second shoot together.
The Chateau Marmont shoot was one of my favorites. I'm obsessed with old Hollywood glamour, art deco (Chateau Marmont was built in 1929), and the excesses of a rock'n'roll lifestyle. If you know the history of this legendary place, then you'd understand that this was Ramona's dream land. It reminds me of the Breakers in Palm Beach but with beautiful people instead of stodgy old money. You can feel the history of debauchery in the bones of the entire place- let's just say there has been a lot of naughty behavior there! John Belushi died of a drug overdose in the now infamous Bungalow 3, John Bonham of Led Zeppelin drove his motorcycle through the hotel, Jim Morrison may or may not have fallen off the roof, Billy Idol trashed a hotel room there, and hot messes like Courtney Love have definitely pulled their antics there. While taking photographs on the grounds we got scolded by hotel staff but we still got away with some killer shots. We could not have done that shoot without my loyal lifestyle submissive who captured some teasing video of me, much of which is yet to be released. Expect to see more videos of me throughout 2018!
The most recent shoot was months in the making. I wanted to find the perfect backdrop to capture the true essence of Mistress Ramona; I found it in a gothic castle in the Hollywood Hills/Laurel Canyon. Elizabeth is very resourceful when shooting in confined spaces like hotel rooms but this space allowed us a lot more creative freedom to tell stories through her lens. Here are some spoilers for my yet to be released photos and some behind the scenes shots of your Mistress:
I'm already plotting my next photo session. I just bought a new pair of Louboutins for it and still have an arsenal of virgin lingerie waiting to be seen (and removed) by you. The gothic castle shoot lasted two days and it was a total dream come true in so many ways; thank you for enjoying this fantasy life with me! I had the opportunity to session at the castle and it was so memorable hosting my Los Angeles men in such a magical space.
I look forward to making your fantasies come true whether at Electric Ladyland or during one of my upcoming tours to Osaka, Kyoto, New Orleans, or New York City. Oh, and Los Angeles I plan to be back this year, for sure!
xx Ramona Ryder
xx Ramona Ryder
I love the band The Velvet Underground, they capture that 1960s Warhol Factory-centric highbrow weirdo art and music scene well. Having grown up in New York City, I must admit that any subculture there always feels like the place to be— like it’s really happening. But there is no doubt that the scene from which The Velvet Underground emerged was iconoclastic. Max’s Kansas City, where those pre-punks used to hang out, may have been a bunch of misfits and freaks but the scene consisted of the crème de la crème of society’s rejects like Patti Smith and Jim Carroll.
Nico, who was roaming around at the time, was a Warhol muse. Warhol, the center of that creative community, managed The Velvet Underground for a bit and introduced Nico into their mix. When “Venus in Furs” was recorded it was recorded as The Velvet Underground & Nico. The Velvet Underground had a penchant for taking titles from books. Venus in Furs is a famous BDSM themed book and The Velvet Underground’s name comes from another book about alternative sex culture in post-WWII America called The Velvet Underground.
The book The Velvet Underground was published in 1963 and the band formed around 1964/65. Lou Reed, the singer and guitarist, found a copy of the book lying in the streets of New York City with a friend who liked the title as a band name. Hence, The Velvet Underground as we know it got its name from a book about, according to the dust jacket, “sadists, masochists, and sexual mavericks of every persuasion.” If you’ve ever been in a band then you know how hard it is to come up with a band name! Nico didn’t need a name as she was a name in and of herself. I hope I’m not confusing you but I assure you all roads lead back to perversion and kink with me! This will all come together in the end.
Lou had already written the song “Venus in Furs” by that time in the band’s early history. The song’s title was inspired by the book under the same name by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch. You may recognize masoch from the word masochism. The book Venus in Furs is about a man, Severin, obsessed with cruel women, (after a terrifying but arousing childhood experience involving an aunt, restraint, fur, and a serious beating) who begs a woman, Wanda, to take him on as her slave. She resists at first but then embraces him as her submissive. The D/s (Dominant/submissive) archetypes and the visual and tactile fetishes conveyed in Venus in Furs are immortalized by Lou Reed in the song almost 100 years after the book’s first publication.
Reading the book Venus in Furs seared that archetype in my brain of a dominant woman adorned in fur. The lyrics of The Velvet Underground captures the basic themes of this dynamic relationship and turns it into an almost Dominatrix cliché which I have channeled in some photo shoots over the years.
Shiny, shiny, shiny boots of leather
Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart
Ermine furs adorn the imperious
Kiss the boot of shiny, shiny leather
Shiny leather in the dark
Taste the whip, in love not given lightly
Taste the whip, now plead for me
— The Velvet Underground
The book captured the craving to submit and the song captured the fetishism and aesthetics of the dominant Mistress. Not to fall down an etymology rabbit hole, but I must elaborate on what I pointed out earlier that masochism is a word derivative of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch’s last name. In a similar vein, Sadism was derived from the name of the Maquis de Sade, another scandalous author from the same era. Literature has played a crucial role in influencing our terminology in kink. The German psychiatrist Richard von Krafft-Ebing introduced the terms "Sadism" and "Masochism"' into medical terminology in his work Neue Forschungen auf dem Gebiet der Psychopathia sexualis ("New research in the area of Psychopathology of Sex") in 1890.
I could go on and on. I love losing myself in books and history as much as I love losing myself in a hot kink scene in session. For those of you new to kink, masochism means one who enjoys pain. Pain can take many forms and pain can be pleasurable or fun such as teasing taunts or playful spankings. My favorite torture to inflict is tease and denial and edge play where you so desperately want relief but I refuse to give it to you. Sadism involves enjoying inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others. I only enjoy sadism when I have a masochistic bottom to receive my hard slaps, playful berating, firm commands, or brutal sensual tease and denial. Maybe you’re a masochist? Maybe you’re just curious? Maybe you’re just a fellow fur and boot fetishist like myself. I invite you to step into my world and quell your curiosity to the tunes of the Velvet Underground. Let me be your Muse.
Your Mistress and Venus in Furs,
xx Ramona Ryder