I came home from a five-day meditation retreat to sessions lined up at my dungeon. I went from five days of noble silence and meditating six times daily, from 5:30am until 9pm, to my life of being a very in-demand professional dominatrix. You might wonder if it is a struggle for me to find a common ground between my deep meditation practice, which includes a kindness or metta practice, and the world of BDSM. But for this Mistress, there is no struggle.

Both my meditation practice and BDSM compliment each other well. Some of the qualities of an ethical dominatrix, as listed by the Cleo Dubois Academy of SM Arts from her Dominatrix Intensive are:

• Has/develops self knowledge
• Has/develops self confidence
• Has self-respect and respects the needs of her clients
• Cultivates patience and communication
• Trusts her intuition in negotiation and in scenes
• Dominates from a centered place

All of those qualities are cultivated through my meditation practice. Especially the last one, dominating from a centered place. On a regular day, the first thing I do in the morning is meditate for 20 minutes. Not only that, but I try and meditate twice a day and I make sure to meditate prior to long or intense sessions in order to ready myself for the scene.

As you can tell, with this Mistress, a lot of planning goes into each session outside of the time we spend together, especially for my kink sessions. I have a deep respect for the rituals that I perform behind closed doors. I consider our time together to be sacred and meditation helps me to be fully centered and therefore present so that we can escape reality together and immerse ourselves in our scene.

If I am distracted or not fully present, how can you be fully present during our session? Not only that, but how can I earn your trust? I do not take being a dominant for granted- it is natural for me but also earned as you relinquish your power to me. I need to be able to listen to my client and pick up on a plethora of unspoken cues.

When I sessioned with my first client after my retreat, with my senses extra heightened, it was beautiful. At one point during session he stated, “You inflict pain with such love, Mistress.” That statement right there explains how I blend my practice of spiritual growth with the art of dominance. I do not strike with anger, I strike with skill and intention, compassion and metta. A centered Mistress is a good Mistress.

Your Mistress,
Ramona Ryder