DISCRETION IS THE BETTER PART OF VALOR
Your NYC Mistress
A blog for my clever men,
especially the ones who think they're cleverer than they are…
I was prepared to mull over this topic a bit longer but a devestating loss finally pushed me to send you this resource. I once had a longterm favorite client in San Francisco. He saw me for years, monthly when I lived in the Bay area, experienced many firsts with me, explored deeply with endless trust, worshipped properly, brought sparkling water and thoughtful gifts, and was overall the perfect client. I lost him when his wife found out.
He kept a draft of one of his TER reviews for me in his Notes app. Because Apple syncs everything across devices, she saw it on the family iPad, even though she wasn't even looking for it. A steamy little file, floating quietly in the cloud, destroyed everything. He got caught and now we had to sever a deep relationship that was built over many years.
He wasn't reckless, as there is too much technology for anyone to manage perfectly these days. But, there are fundamentals, and I'm going to give you the basics of being discreet with your digital footprint. If you choose to see someone like me, you owe it to yourself to do the bare minimum to protect your public life and my own discretion. I have no interest in another wife discovering my existence, much less contacting me, which is an entirely different nightmare.
What follows is my distilled guidance: a cohesive strategy, not paranoia, for navigating discretion in the modern world. Whether you are exploring in secret, ethically non-monogamous, or simply a man who understands compartmentalization, these principles matter. I cannot keep you out of trouble with wives, but I can help you avoid unnecessary mistakes made with a phone.
THE FOUNDATION:
DON'T LEAVE A DIGITAL TRAIL
USE A VPN:
A VPN hides where your traffic comes from. It keeps your browsing from showing up on shared routers, office networks, or invasive “family safety” apps. It also prevents your carrier from logging every questionable website you visit at 2am.
USE ENCRYPTED EMAIL:
Proton, Tutanota, StartMail- anything that doesn't back up to your iCloud.
Encrypted email means your messages can't be scanned, synced, or forwarded without your knowledge. Gmail is convenient, but it's not discreet. Other clients over the years have gotten caught due to their email.
ENABLE TWO-FACTOR AUTHENTICATION ON THAT EMAIL:
It protects you if someone guesses your password, watches you type it, or tries to log in when they're “just checking something” on your laptop. Use an authenticator app, not text messages.
YOUR PHONE: THE WEAK LINK
• Lock your phone with a passcode only you know. Don't use Face ID if anyone could unlock it while you're sleeping. Don't share your passcode with anyone except maybe your estate lawyer.
• Use Signal for text communication. Set messages to auto-delete. Signal is end-to-end encrypted, can't be screenshot-saved without warning, and doesn't sync across devices. iMessage syncs everywhere unless you disable it, and most do not disable it.
• Delete messages you don't need. If you can't delete them, rename us in your phone to something boring like “Chase Bank”.
• Notes app: be smart. Do not store anything there that can sync. If you must write something down, be cryptic or use pen and paper.
HIDE WHAT NEEDS HIDING
• Hide the apps you use for this life. On iPhones, you can remove an app from the home screen but keep it installed. You can bury it in a folder or prevent it from appearing in search. For an Android, apparently there is a secure folder that has a separate passcode than your phone. I don't know much about Android phones so do your own research.
Alternatively: Follow only vanilla accounts publicly and manually type our handles when you want the real thing. Some of us are shadowbanned, so you will need to type in our full handle and hit enter.
• Never follow providers on TikTok. TikTok scrapes your contacts, aggressively links accounts, and may recommend us to people in your phone. Don't even look at anything sexy on TikTok! Instagram does a milder version of this. Turn off all contact syncing and don't trust these free apps!
• Regularly clear your browser history. And use private tabs by default. Safari, Chrome, and Firefox do not care about your marriage or privacy.
PAYMENT: HOW TO PAY WITHOUT LEAVING A FOOTPRINT
• Use physical gift cards for the deposit. Amazon, Whole Foods, and Uber are all great but pre-paid Visa cards are not. Buy them in person in cash at a drugstore, scratch off the foiled back, and send us the code. This won't trace back to your credit card or anywhere else.
• Use Bitcoin. Bitcoin is clean, fast, and gives you plausible deniability. Don't use mainstream Bitcoin wallets and do your research.
• Pre-pay deposits at the end of sessions in cash if you know you're coming back.
MOVEMENT & MEETINGS
• Don't have us come get you from the hotel lobby, especially in your primary city of residence. Being in an elevator for the first time, when you have never met, with a bunch of strangers, is awkward. Instead, ask us to hide a keycard for you instead in the lobby or a bush outside. There is no reason to be seen standing beside a woman who looks like she stepped out of a Helmut Newton book or, in my case, the Irving Klaw archives.
SOCIAL MEDIA: THE EASIEST MISTAKE OF ALL
Apps scrape your contacts.
Apps compare your follower graph.
Apps run “People You May Know” algorithms.
The rules:
• Don't use TikTok.
• Turn off all contact syncing.
• Don't let your iPad or laptop pull your messages via iCloud.
• Don't leave your browser logged in.
THE TRUTH
Most of you don't get caught because you're stupid- you get caught because you don't have good technological hygiene. I'd suggest compartmentalizing your life to see us- separate email, separate apps, separate number, and using cash. I'm your Mistress, not your accomplice, but I do believe in discretion, dignity, and safety.
Protect yourself. Protect us. And for the love of everything perverted: stop writing reviews in your Notes app.
