I love the band The Velvet Underground, they capture that 1960s Warhol Factory-centric highbrow weirdo art and music scene well. Having grown up in New York City, I must admit that any subculture there always feels like the place to be— like it’s really happening. But there is no doubt that the scene from which The Velvet Underground emerged was iconoclastic. Max’s Kansas City, where those pre-punks used to hang out, may have been a bunch of misfits and freaks but the scene consisted of the crème de la crème of society’s rejects like Patti Smith and Jim Carroll.

Nico, who was roaming around at the time, was a Warhol muse. Warhol, the center of that creative community, managed The Velvet Underground for a bit and introduced Nico into their mix. When “Venus in Furs” was recorded it was recorded as The Velvet Underground & Nico. The Velvet Underground had a penchant for taking titles from books. Venus in Furs is a famous BDSM themed book and The Velvet Underground’s name comes from another book about alternative sex culture in post-WWII America called The Velvet Underground.

The book The Velvet Underground was published in 1963 and the band formed around 1964/65. Lou Reed, the singer and guitarist, found a copy of the book lying in the streets of New York City with a friend who liked the title as a band name. Hence, The Velvet Underground as we know it got its name from a book about, according to the dust jacket, “sadists, masochists, and sexual mavericks of every persuasion.” If you’ve ever been in a band then you know how hard it is to come up with a band name! Nico didn’t need a name as she was a name in and of herself. I hope I’m not confusing you but I assure you all roads lead back to perversion and kink with me! This will all come together in the end.

Lou had already written the song “Venus in Furs” by that time in the band’s early history. The song’s title was inspired by the book under the same name by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch. You may recognize masoch from the word masochism. The book Venus in Furs is about a man, Severin, obsessed with cruel women, (after a terrifying but arousing childhood experience involving an aunt, restraint, fur, and a serious beating) who begs a woman, Wanda, to take him on as her slave. She resists at first but then embraces him as her submissive. The D/s (Dominant/submissive) archetypes and the visual and tactile fetishes conveyed in Venus in Furs are immortalized by Lou Reed in the song almost 100 years after the book’s first publication.

Reading the book Venus in Furs seared that archetype in my brain of a dominant woman adorned in fur. The lyrics of The Velvet Underground songcaptures the basic themes of this dynamic relationship and turns it into an almost Dominatrix cliché which I have channeled in some photo shoots over the years:


Shiny, shiny, shiny boots of leather

Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart

Ermine furs adorn the imperious


Kiss the boot of shiny, shiny leather

Shiny leather in the dark


Taste the whip, in love not given lightly

Taste the whip, now plead for me

— The Velvet Underground


The book captured the craving to submit and the song captured the fetishism and aesthetics of the dominant Mistress. Not to fall down an etymology rabbit hole, but I must elaborate on what I pointed out earlier that masochism is a word derivative of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch’s last name. In a similar vein, Sadism was derived from the name of the Maquis de Sade, another scandalous author from the same era. Literature has played a crucial role in influencing our terminology in kink. The German psychiatrist Richard von Krafft-Ebing introduced the terms "Sadism" and "Masochism"' into medical terminology in his work Neue Forschungen auf dem Gebiet der Psychopathia sexualis ("New research in the area of Psychopathology of Sex") in 1890.

I could go on and on. I love losing myself in books and history as much as I love losing myself in a hot kink scene in session. For those of you new to kink, masochism means one who enjoys pain. Pain can take many forms and pain can be pleasurable or fun such as teasing taunts or playful spankings. My favorite torture to inflict is tease and denial and edge play where you so desperately want relief but I refuse to give it to you. Sadism involves enjoying inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others. I only enjoy sadism when I have a masochistic bottom to receive my hard slaps, playful berating, firm commands, or brutal sensual tease and denial. Maybe you’re a masochist? Maybe you’re just curious? Maybe you’re just a fellow fur and boot fetishist like myself. I invite you to step into my world and quell your curiosity to the tunes of the Velvet Underground. Let me be your Muse.

Your Mistress and Venus in Furs, 
xx Ramona Ryder



Selfie at the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood

Selfie at the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood

This year was exceptionally marvelous. I am living my best life and I don’t plan on stopping! My first love is pleasure but my second love is travel and the combination of the two is what my dreams are made of. So let’s see- I kicked off 2017 in a private hot tub under the stars at Calistoga Ranch in Napa Valley with a dear client. And baby, it only got better from there!

I've wanted to go to Japan for as long as I can remember; the stars aligned and it was finally my time to go. My first trip to Japan coincided with cherry blossom season this past April. Seeing the cherry blossoms at Tōdai-ji temple surrounded by deer in Nara was heaven. My second trip was in the fall and autumn was vivid- seeing the leaves change in Kyoto was breathtaking. I really had good timing with both trips. I was also blessed with interesting clients and had a lot of fun with Japanese and expat men alike!

Tōdaiji, Great Eastern Temple, is one of Japan's most famous and historically significant temples and a landmark of Nara

Tōdaiji, Great Eastern Temple, is one of Japan's most famous and historically significant temples and a landmark of Nara

Getting checked out & feeding deer in Nara

Getting checked out & feeding deer in Nara

View of Nara

View of Nara

Tōdai-ji (東大寺) is a Buddhist temple complex in Nara that was once one of the powerful Seven Great Temples, located in the city of Nara- its Great Buddha Hall (大仏殿, Daibutsuden) houses the world's largest bronze statue of the Buddha Vairocana, known in Japanese as Daibutsu (大仏)

Tōdai-ji (東大寺) is a Buddhist temple complex in Nara that was once one of the powerful Seven Great Temples, located in the city of Nara- its Great Buddha Hall (大仏殿, Daibutsuden) houses the world's largest bronze statue of the Buddha Vairocana, known in Japanese as Daibutsu (大仏)

Osaka Castle

Osaka Castle

Fox god statue in Kyoto

Fox god statue in Kyoto

Kyoto pond

Kyoto pond

Kyoto at sunset

Kyoto at sunset


Along with my libido, my collector heart was lit on fire as well. I loved how organized Japanese record stores were. Some of the larger chain music stores even had entire rooms devoted just to punk. It's basically Ramona heaven! I prefered record shopping in Osaka, although the hunt was fun in Tokyo. That said, record shopping in Japan can be confusing; it's hard to tell whether a record is used or a repress as all the vinyl is in such good condition. Basically, it’s a record collector's paradise! I definitely picked up some Japanese pressings of classic Rolling Stones albums with Japanese obi strips and the like as well as many items off my want list within my personal collecting niche: 1980s Japanese hardcore punk. Of course I caught a few live shows both trips which were amazing as I got to see some of my favorite bands. Also, shows in Japan are air-conditioned so I could keep my leather jacket on comfortably which delighted me.

The tuna and the whale were my favorites

The tuna and the whale were my favorites

One of my favorite moments in Japan, after a hard day of shopping, was eating sashimi in Kōenji. Kōenji is my favorite district in Tokyo; it has great vintage and record shops. The restaurant was tiny with a little room in the back, past the classic sushi bar. You had to take your shoes off to enter and sat cross-legged on a tatami mat as you were served the most incredible raw fish. I felt amazing after that meal and was truly satiated. There were many moments in Japan where I longed for nothing as I was completely satisfied. It is a place that fulfills many of my desires on so many levels.

Back in the USA old Hollywood glamour at the Chateau Marmont

Back in the USA old Hollywood glamour at the Chateau Marmont

Agent Provocateur suit & a heated pool made for a happy Mistress

Agent Provocateur suit & a heated pool made for a happy Mistress


Where else did I go this past year that’s worth a mention? Chateau Marmont in Los Angeles was a total blast. I am a sucker for the 1920s glamour and historical rock’n’roll debauchery that haunts every inch of that hotel. Eating in the garden terrace was a delight! I enjoyed staying at the Ace Hotel in New York City and drinking copious amounts of Stumptown decaf Americanos. I always love returning to my hometown during the summer as NYC in the summer is pure magic. I love walking the city streets on hot nights, running into old friends, and people watching. I would choose a crowded subway car over Bay Area traffic any day! Unless I’m on my motorcycle and lane splitting here in the Bay (which is illegal in New York).

Blurry view of the Empire State Building from a Lower East Side roof garden on a hot summer night

Blurry view of the Empire State Building from a Lower East Side roof garden on a hot summer night

Of course I got tattooed in NYC by one of my friends: flaming heart with poppies

Of course I got tattooed in NYC by one of my friends: flaming heart with poppies

He who wants the rose must respect the thorn

He who wants the rose must respect the thorn

Manhattan view at sunset at the East River in Greenpoint, Brooklyn as my friend and I fed stray cats the neighborhood is trying to rescue from developers

Manhattan view at sunset at the East River in Greenpoint, Brooklyn as my friend and I fed stray cats the neighborhood is trying to rescue from developers

I spent some time in the majestic mountains in North Carolina. I did a quick jaunt to Mexico City right after Thanksgiving. I, of course, went to Napa a few times to go wine and dine with a few gents. Well, more like sparkling water and some of the world’s best restaurants. Right now all I can really think about is how I’ll be ringing in the New Year in Havana, Cuba! And then shortly after jetting off to Tokyo…

Street shot in Mexico City

Street shot in Mexico City

At the antique market, La Lagunilla, in Mexico City

At the antique market, La Lagunilla, in Mexico City

I am so grateful for this past year and I am filled with excitement for next year’s travels and adventures. To those who have stayed in my life and to those that I have met this year; you are what it means to be generous and thoughtful. To those that I have yet to meet: what are you waiting for? I invite you to be a part of this upcoming New Year with me. So mark your calendars and plan on enjoying another fantastical year with your favorite Mistress!

Your Mistress, 
xx Ramona Ryder

On my beloved 1978 Honda CB550

On my beloved 1978 Honda CB550

A rare hot day in the Bay Area at Albany Bulb with view of the Golden Gate Bridge

A rare hot day in the Bay Area at Albany Bulb with view of the Golden Gate Bridge


Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

Ramona Ryder

I usually wake up naturally before or with the sun and I always sleep naked. I begin my days by luxuriating in my Frette sheets as I run my hands over my warm body; feeling my hard nipples, smooth skin, the coolness of the last vestiges of the night’s air gracing my exposed flesh as I watch the blue winter sunrise sneak in through velvet curtains. As I lie there I feel grateful for another day. Many mornings, as I reacquaint myself with being awake, I touch myself.

Starting the day with an orgasm is my secret to my good disposition. Sometimes I orgasm in my sleep which is always so dreamy- it’s amazing how powerful our minds can be! After I have indulged in the warmth of my flesh, I get out of bed, put on a black silk robe, and happily begin another day. As a woman who is devoted to experiencing and giving pleasure I surely have no reason not to delight in my daily existence.


I am truly spoiled between the pleasure that I give myself and the pleasure that is bestowed upon me. But what I love most is giving pleasure to others as this pleases me deeply- I am a very giving woman. So this holiday season treat yourself to some lust indulgence with this Mistress. What better gift to give yourself than the gift of pleasure? I am very naughty but also very nice so spoil yourself my dear as we’ve both earned it all year long. We'll have so much fun immersing ourselves in pure carnality no matter what we get up to! In lust we trust and you can always trust this Mistress to consummate your desires.

Your Mistress, 
xx Ramona Ryder

Are you naughty or nice? Either way, we both get spoiled in the end so indulge my wish list and please your Mistress by surprising me with a gift or donating to a favorite charity. ‘Tis the season for giving, right? Or spoil us both all night long during an overnight and start your day off right by waking up next to me!




Follow me now and you will not regret

Leaving the life you led before we met.

Black Sabbath

If I had to choose an archetype I identify with, it would be the classic femme fatale. I am the seductress and I always have been. I radiate sex even when I try to behave it is in my nature. Even sitting in church as a teen I’d watch men stare as I crossed and uncrossed my legs, which I enjoyed immensely, or I’d make eyes at the minister’s son across the pews. I just cannot behave nor do I want to! I have always been consumed with enjoying my physical self and finding any excuse to be naughty, anywhere and anytime. I believe that Ramona Ryder is my destiny.

Mistress Ramona 05.jpg

Giving pleasure and harnessing my sexuality is what I enjoy most in this world and I am grateful to live a life where I can own my strong sexual nature. I love motorcycles, rock’n’roll, sparkling water, and traveling the world, but what it comes down to, in the end, is this: give me sexual pleasure or give me death. Pleasure rules me and I have resigned myself to a hedonistic lifestyle.

According to Asterian astrology, I was born under the star Hades and this star is ruled by Venus. Hades represents the underworld and Venus, as most of you know, presides over love, beauty, desire, and sex. Venus is all about pleasure, especially pleasure shared with someone else. Being born under this alignment has definitely caused my life to be filled with strong sensual energy.

Hades Triangle Divine Feminine.png

Depending on what mythology one follows, the symbol of Hades is a triangle. The triangle is also the symbol for the vagina and the divine feminine. The triangle references three stars that are also known as "the Buckle of Isis" and were perceived by ancient astrologers to be portals between worlds. So, may I act as your gatekeeper between the world of restrained society and my underworld of debauchery…please take my hand and come with me!

Your Mistress, 
xx Ramona Ryder

"Now I have you with me, under my power

Our love grows stronger now with every hour

Look into my eyes, you'll see who I am

My name is [Ramona], please take my hand"

– Black Sabbath



A client recently gifted me the book Porn Art by Dahmane featuring Chloë des Lysses.  He handed it to me saying, “This is the French queen of anal sex for the Bay Area queen of anal sex.” Yes, this man has got me pegged and knows me well. The book features artsy black and white photos of Chloë with insertables in her derrière as if they’re not even there.  It’s just her, casually being beautiful with a large dildo inside her rear accompanied by captivating nonchalance. The photos are tasteful and classy even in their perversion. This is the essence that I wish to bring to you in person when we engage in play—an essence of natural and classy perversion.


Anal play has occurred as long as humans have fucked on this Earth but is taboo in our society. I don’t find it taboo at all and I genuinely enjoy it. Chloë in Porn Art is so fantastic because not only does she look comfortable engaging in anal penetration but it also looks natural and normal; she takes the taboo out of it. For her, like me, putting things in her behind is no big deal and is actually a rather pleasant experience. It shouldn’t be a big deal to engage in that form of pleasure. 

(Chloë des Lysses in Dahmane's Porn Art)

(Chloë des Lysses in Dahmane's Porn Art)

I am grateful I have yet another way to experience sexual ecstasy through penetration as I have trained my body to enjoy it with ease. My relationship with anal play has evolved over time and I have a deeper level of enjoyment now after years of exploration. My anal journey began while I was in college. I had acquired a nice collection of dildos for hot strap-on play with a girlfriend whom I dated for a few months. I decided to experiment one day as I was home masturbating. I used a smaller dildo from our collection, lubed it up, lubed myself up, and lowered myself onto it.

There’s the initial “holy shit!” feeling when you begin to engage in anal play. This can also be the reaction to the first sensations of entrance if you’re rusty or if a partner (or insertable) has a particularly large girth. That jarring feeling subsided quickly as I focused on my breathing and relaxed. So I kept going and it was great! I used a vibrator on my clit and I got off...hard!

As my anal journey progressed I figured out how to stimulate my G-spot from behind (the tissue between the rectum and vagina is very thin!) and have added a multitude of toys to aid in this form of pleasure. I love using butt plugs alone or with a partner. Pulling gently on it as my clit is pleasured adds a wonderful sensation that creates sensual warmth all around my nether regions. Using a butt plug adds to a tighter sensation during intercourse. I can reach climax through anal penetration alone but it also pairs perfectly with clitoral stimulation. I simply adore getting penetrated from behind – it hits that magic spot deep inside.

Helping men experience their magic spot is also one of my specialties. It is pain-free and pleasurable when anal play or training is done slowly and sensually. The act of working one up also builds trust between us; this intimacy leads to a deeper and more intense session and overall climaxes for all. Therefore, I am a versatile and experienced Anal Queen in regards to receiving and giving but if you only want to give and not receive, that is fine with me! Just gently massaging the rosebud, even without penetration, can add a whole level of sensation to our play! I look forward to experiencing hedonism together: up mine, yours, or all hail to the Anal Queen!



Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use. Emily Post

I may be a hipster in the streets and a femme fatale in the sheets but I am always a lady at the table. Maybe the last thing you expected to read in a blog post from me is a quote from Emily Post? Well, as you will come to see time and time again, I am full of surprises! And, once you think you have me figured out, this chameleon will always pleasantly surprise you. Luckily for you, you can truly have yourself a girl that “can do both” and Ramona Ryder can do a lot more than both.

I can ride motorcycles and horses, both English and Western styles. I can write dirty smut during the exchanges leading up to our next debauch or I can write a proper thank you note after receiving a thoughtful gift. And yes, I do have my own stationery and send handwritten notes often; a letter always says it better. I can cure what ails you as a naughty nurse and have an in-depth conversation about the current state of our healthcare system and insurance industry (and good medical companies in which to invest). I can deny you a taste for hours during a tease and denial session and then satisfy your hunger during a proper dinner date. My behavior can read like a dirty French novel in session and I can translate the menu at a French restaurant after as we discuss French existentialist writers. Reading No Exit in high school was a game changer but my favorite Sartre drama will always be The Flies. I enjoyed the ghosts of Café de Flore during my last visit. And yes, I have eaten many magical meals in Paris and ordered them in French, mais oui, mon cherie!

On the topic of food, I’m always a little surprised when I go to a Michelin-starred restaurant or Zagat favorite in San Francisco on a dinner date to glance over at the next table and see fellow patrons donning jeans. Maybe I should mind my own business or be less judgmental but this New Yorker refuses to adjust her standards to the multitude of faux pas committed frequently in the Bay Area and in this modern age in general. I remember when I first moved to San Francisco I would run into people and they’d ask, “Oh you look nice, where are you going?” And I would flatly reply, “the supermarket” as if being put together was a special occasion! You can rest assured this girl does not own sweatpants!


For as much of a rebel as I am, or at least appear to be, I most importantly believe in certain traditions and protocols, particularly regarding manners. Maybe one does not know how to use the proper fork during a 5-course tasting menu but if one opens doors for me and thanks the waiter, my heart is always filled with the deepest respect. Having proper manners not only shows one’s true character but it is an act of respect to those around you. Emily Post is right in stating, “Whenever two people come together and their behavior affects one another, you have etiquette.” We have a certain etiquette during our email exchanges, our interactions when we first meet, in session, after session, and when we are out in public. Luckily, I do a thorough job screening, so the men with whom I choose to engage with are always respectful and gracious. Emily Post’s statement that, “Good manners reflect something from inside—an innate sense of consideration for others and respect for self” resonates deeply with me. I am a very lucky prurient Princess as my men do hold themselves to this standard!

That said, I do not agree with Emily Post on certain things as times have definitely changed in many ways since her heyday. I most certainly draw the line with this standard of hers, “Keep your hands to yourself!” In my case, please do not do this as it would, after all, be in poor taste and upset your Mistress deeply…unless I have you tied up, in which case, let me have my way with you like a good boy!

Your Mistress, 
xx Ramona Ryder




Vinyl is the real deal. I’ve always felt like, until you buy the vinyl record, you don’t really own the album. And it’s not just me or a little pet thing or some kind of retro romantic thing from the past. It is still alive. - Jack White of the White Stripes

My record collection tells the story of my life better than I could in words. Records are a moment in time and act as documentation of who I am. My collection displays a wide array of bands with which I was obsessed, genre rabbit holes I fell down like UK ’82 punk, tours I went on with my bands or others, relics from my travels, gifts from friends and lovers, and so many aurally-triggered memories. If there’s a single with which I become obsessed then I had to track down the 7” or 45 and make it part of my collection. Once I get that uncontrollable urge, whether it’s a noisy punk song or a polished pop hit like Berlin’s The Metro, I have to track it down and make it mine.

I feel like the songs that capture me need to be in my hands in order to consummate the love affair. In a way, it is almost like a snapshot of who I was at that moment when the music moved me. What I was fixated on a few years ago is very different from my current obsessions. Every record I own represents me and showcases the many sides of multi-faceted Ramona Ryder over the years. Music has always been a huge part of my life. Growing up as an only child, the radio was one of the ways I found to entertain myself as my mother would rather read the Sunday Times (or anything, really) in bed than deal with me. I’d make mix tapes and get obsessed with bands, especially on the late-night alternative station. When the internet became a thing, I’d research bands like Nirvana obsessively and learn everything I could about them.

So, if you haven’t already gotten the impression that I am a bit obsessive when I get fixated on things, well, I am a bit obsessive when I get fixated on things. I’m an all-or-nothing kind of gal and my record collection shows it. When I was a teen I found the punk scene and I was off and running. Music basically gave me a reason to wake up in the morning. Attending basement shows led to me getting heavily involved in making punk happen, as I tend to do when I find a passion. The first bands I saw became my friends and we’re still in touch to this day. As I got older (and more organized) I got heavily involved in punk community. I was involved in all aspects from booking shows, being in bands, organizing tours, distributing releases, writing for underground publications, interviews, and hopping in tour vans. Yes, I have definitely been that token cute merch girl on tour!

When I moved from Brooklyn to San Francisco to work at a music magazine I chose to drive cross-country because the thought of shipping my records filled me with dread (as does trusting the postal service in general). What if they got damaged, lost, or stolen? So over the span of five days, I drove across America with my rental SUV filled with black clothing, leather, and vinyl records. I am hopelessly devoted to my records! My materialistic priorities in life are pretty obvious by now but I will say that I tend to give away books. If you’ve ever moved with a serious vinyl record collection then you know that it is a real pain to move them as they are fragile and heavy. I’ve even had nightmares about fires and have woken up in a state of panic trying to decide which records to grab. Basically, my collection owns my heart. I have an emotional investment in my vinyl even though it’s not ideal being so attached to material items. I find a deep solace in hanging out with my collection. I love being able to put on a record, look at the album art, read the lyrics if there’s an insert, and feel that visceral connection. It makes it worth the hassle.

Sometimes people question my love of vinyl as archaic and obsolete and try and point out that it is not a good medium for sound quality. In response, I really like this John Peel quote about the superiority of vinyl records, “Somebody was trying to tell me that CDs are better than vinyl because they don’t have any surface noise. I said, 'Listen, mate, life has surface noise.'” My thoughts exactly, John! How I feel about the analog sound of vinyl records is how I feel about life. I’ll take a first pressing in VG+ condition or better over a digitally remastered MP3 or CD any day. All quotes aside, I am a big fan of John Peel for his support of early punk in the late 1970s in Britain and his insight into music. He had his finger on the pulse on many underground music movements and gave so many incredible bands a platform to reach out of the underground. I definitely own many “Peel Sessions” of my favorite bands from the 70s and 80s (recordings of bands from his show on BBC Radio) on vinyl.

Sometimes I feel I was born too late like I’m not of this generation. I have a landline, I don’t own a television, I read books, and I have my modest record collection. I’m also not on Facebook and I won’t ride a motorcycle or drive a car that I can’t work on myself or have someone explain to me what they are doing in a comprehensible manner. And yes, I drive a stick shift. I also abhor GPS when driving locally. I am a firm believer one should know their way around their own city or town. Does this jumbled list of anti-millennial proclivities make me a Luddite? Or maybe just a hipster (gag me)…whatever, I’m not looking for cool points because I’ve been like this my whole life.

My vinyl obsession even led me to have a record label of my very own for a few years where I distributed internationally. When I decided to end this time-consuming project after ten 7” and flexi releases I had very little inventory to purge and sold it easily. That obsession wrapped up very nicely and it’s another dream that I got to make a reality. My desire for the tangible and tactile is not a new desire for this lady. I guess we both share this passion if you’re reading this. Many of you have driven hours or flown me to you in order to experience Ramona in the flesh. There’s nothing like feeling what you desire in one’s hands, especially when it makes you feel so good.

Your Mistress, 
Ramona Ryder



Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend. Theophrastus

I am sure you can tell from my straightforward presentation and stellar reviews that I cut to the chase and only mess around when we're, well, messing around! I deeply value clear communication prior to our encounter so that I can get every detail ready for when you walk in the door. I put a lot of planning into every bespoke session and due to this, we have many chapters to our time together, no matter how long.

My creativity knows no time restraints! Part of my preparation for a session is the ritual of getting dressed. I love encasing my long legs in retro-style silk stockings and fastening them to a sexy garter belt. To complete the look, I of course don some Agent Provocateur lingerie to complete the look. I love getting my attire just right and ensuring your heart skips a beat as soon as you see me. Whether wearing a school girl outfit, vinyl nurse's uniform, latex, or simply classic lingerie, you're in for a wild ride!

Time is not a luxury that can be taken for granted so I make the best use of every second we have together. This means planning before our encounter so that we can immerse ourselves once our time has come as we've looked forward to it with anticipation for what felt like so long. Therefore, our moments will be seamlessly prepared and indulged accordingly. My time is limited due to high demand and I understand my men also lead successful and busy lives. This careful planning is me showing respect for your time. I make a great effort outside of session so that I can deliver that Mistress experience accordingly during every second shared.

Sometimes we cannot set aside decadent hours together and can only "fit each other in." It is important to indulge no matter what and make time for our sacred encounters. I believe our sessions are a necessary self-care as they energize and restore my men so they can work harder, feel clearer, and be less stressed after release. I enjoy meeting my men early in the morning to kick-start their day off right or as a well-deserved treat before they head home. I also love it when my men take a restorative lunch with their Mistress as I’m the perfect way to break up a workday. I relish hour-long and 90-minute sessions where we can be fully present and forget the day together.

Our time may have flown by but it was time well spent. Time together may never feel enough whether an hour or a vacation together, but I love that lingering lust and anticipation for the next time! There’s nothing like a passionate hour…oh, the things we can do in an hour! Endless time together could never cure your hunger for this Mistress, but we all know that hunger is the best sauce...

Your Mistress, 
Ramona Ryder



Hello There,

Looks can be deceiving as you found out if you've met me in the flesh and expected a cold Domina. Anyone who has experienced kink with me knows I'm a lover and not a sadist. And anyone who has had an Amour session really knows that I'm a passionate woman! I simply adore a steamy Amour session where we only focus on riding waves of pleasure.

I recently received this email from a client:

The style of your online photos tends a bit toward the cool and distant/remote side, so I expected that there might be at least a hint of that in our dynamic, especially for a first-time encounter. NOTHING about your presence with me was cool, distant, or remote. It was supremely titillating and moving for me- your spirit/energy, lively presence, and your level of engagement/intensity was unforgettably surprising and unforgettably fun.


If you have met me, you know I'm more the "gothy-looking" girl next door than some actual cold and distant femme fatale. The first thing you're greeted with when we meet is my smile. The comments I get most is that I look better in person than my pictures and that you did not expect me to be so darn nice! No matter what experience we shared together, the end result of every session is that I left us both smiling...

Your Mistress,
Ramona Ryder



Well, you tried it just for once found it all right for kicks

But now you found out that it's a habit that sticks

And you're an orgasm addict, you're an orgasm addict.


I discovered how to masturbate at the age of thirteen. I was reading a woman’s magazine and it explained masturbation and how to touch oneself. So I tried it and it workedit was as if I had just breathed for the first time! I felt so alive. Just the touch of my index finger on my clit was enoughI don’t even remember fantasizing about anything in particular. After that, I was hooked. Being multi-orgasmic, my masturbation sessions could last for hours.

To this day, I’m still that person who masturbates in airplane bathrooms and back in the day when I still had a desk job, I’d go masturbate in the bathroom at work to quell the monotony. Sometimes I wouldn’t even wash my finger after as I got a perverse satisfaction out of being able to smell my sex as I went back to typing on my keyboard. What can I say? I’m a Pervert with a capital “P."

My pleasure has evolved since that discovery of the magic created by my teenage index finger. I enjoy involving others in my pleasure and exploring with my partners. I have evolved to an intense love of internal orgasms and I can also cum anally. I’ve gotten close from nipple play, too! Exploring my sexuality and getting in touch with my body is a constant mission of mine. I am always gaining a deeper understanding of the range of pleasure that I can experience.

My ideal escape with one of my men is to hole up in a hotel room, even just a night’s getaway in some neat historic San Francisco hotel room, with no other agenda than to luxuriate in bed. Hopefully we’d at least get a full day together with a late check out. Endless pleasure with no pressing time constraints as we drift in and out of sleep to fuck, cum, and eat room service. A real escape into a lovely bubble of hedonism for two, our own little oasis quenching that deep thirst inside.


But back to masturbation: maybe you wonder what I fantasize about and the thoughts that push me over the edge? Sometimes I watch porn but I’d rather lie back and close my eyes. Though I actually find it easiest to cum being on all foursass up, head down. My top favorites for mental masturbation that send me over the edge within a few minutes are these three:

One: Being bent over in a public somewhere (outdoors, bathroom sink, over a motorcycle) with my mini skirt pulled up and your pants undone, just getting fucked from behind savagelyeither hole! With spit involved.

Two: The thought of a man masturbating simultaneously as he watches me or spies on me (I love voyeurism!) or me masturbating him and watching that cum pour out of his cock, running over my hands. Just the thought of a cock twitching and releasing itself in me is a huge turn on. I love mutual orgasms! I love the image of cumming! I love cocks!

Three: Women squirting. I am a rare squirter and if you have experienced it, consider yourself pretty special.

I am squeezing my Kegels rapidly or holding them tight while these images and fantasies do tape reels in my dirty mind. This causes me to orgasm every time. Anyone who has had sex with me knows that not only am I tight but I have these magical vaginal muscles that literally extract powerful orgasms from the cocks that worship at my temple. I cum with my Kegelsit’s part of the Ramona package.

Pleasure is not only my primary vice but also my primary skill. I am a dominant lover through and through but my pleasure is derived from your pleasure too. I don’t have a good time unless we’re both having a good time…

So on that note, looking for a good time baby?

Your Mistress, 
Ramona Ryder




Sex work is capitali­­sm on my terms.
Ra­m­ona Ryder

I believe I was born to do this. I think I am successf­ul because I deeply l­ove what I do and I d­o it by choice. ­I have lived the “squ­are life.” ­Well, it was more a double life. I'd wear pencil skirts and glasses by day as I worked 9-to-5 type jobs. Then when I'd get home, it was all leather and miniskirts, ridi­ng motorcycles and pl­aying in punk bands. ­

I was always able to walk the line between both worlds and be responsible. I held real substanti­ve professional posit­ions, woke up before sunrise on weekdays, computed m­y own taxes, and live­d in the “real world.­” ­I hold a BA and have ­a straight-and-narrow career t­o which I could easil­y return. ­But, I would never trade my current life for anything as this is m­y pr­oper vocation.

I feel it­ is my calling but it­ also gives me pleasure. ­I recently received t­his email from my fir­st-ever client whom I ­consider a dear frien­d. ­He has watched me thi­s whole time and rece­ntly wrote me this:

I am in awe of how yo­u ran with your skill­s with what you do! ­In about a year on Ni­ght Shift you have up­ped your game to the ­top! It’s really no surprise though given ­your sensual essence.­ I will always admire­ you not only as (in ­some weird way) a fri­end as well as professional but as a woman­ who goes for what sh­e wants…sets boundari­es around her well-be­ing…rises to the top ­in her field all IN L­ESS THAN ONE YEAR!!! I bow­ down…men fall in lov­e with you…Homer’s si­rens!

It was super touching­ to get this email of­ recognition from a hobbyist who knows the indu­stry and has seen me ­since day one. ­If you want to read more testimonials, feel free to read my ­Praise page—I was born for this­!

The Ramona who you see today did not eme­rge out of a vacuum. That said, none of this lifes­tyle or career succes­s has surprised me. ­I have always been “hot to trot” if you wi­ll and (just a little­) boy crazy. ­As I grew older and b­egan to explore my se­xuality, I was advent­urous from the get-go­ and willing to try anything once. ­I am definitely bisex­ual and a deep lover ­of pleasure. Pleasure is my favori­te pastime whether it­’s lazy days in bed indulgently masturba­ting, watching a man whole-heartedly surre­nder to me on his kne­es, or powerful vagin­al orgasms produced b­y deep thrusts and enhanced by my legendary Kegel muscles. I am multi-orgasmic a­nd I live for pleasur­e—a true hedonist!

As a professional dom­inatrix and courtesan­, I am not “stepping ­into a role” or “play­ing a part.” What you see is the r­eal me: an adventurou­s, dominant woman who­ is highly sexual and­ enjoys playing. ­I do not do anything ­that does not give me­ pleasure nor engage ­with anyone with whom­ I do not derive plea­sure. ­I do believe I have b­een successful by bei­ng my most authentic ­self while playing by­ my rules and standar­ds. So if you see me it’s­ because I want to se­e you. When you see me ­it’s actually me. ­I don’t really have t­o “sell” an image. ­In essence, I am literally and figurativel­y "selling myself", alth­ough under a nom de plum­e.­

From previous blogs o­r reading my web­site, you probably al­ready have an idea of­ who I am but not how­ I got here, which leads us to the ­question: How did I­ become Mistress Ramona­ Ryder­? Well, to take away th­e mystery, "Ramona"­ is for my ­love of m­y hometown p­unk hero­es, the Ramone­s. I basically grew up a­t CBGB’s and running around the Lower East Side where they got their start, albeit many years before when I was a naughty teenager. ­"Ryder"­ is a nod to my love of motorcycles and ma­ybe riding something ­else. One could say that I live to ride. ­And Mistress­ is a double entendre as I am a dominatrix,­ and a lot of you boy­s are married…

So, where did it all ­begin? ­I had been a paralega­­l for several years ­a­nd had done well fo­r myself. ­I was frustr­ated by ­the “9-to-5" life due to the hou­rs ­conflicting with ­my numerous artistic­ pursuits in music an­d writing. Also, my middle clas­s salary just never q­uite c­ut it with the­ cost o­f living in t­he Bay A­rea. So, when I got laid ­­off, being replaced by­ a computer program, ­a girl I knew from the music community and had played music with briefly pu­t me in touch with h­er current boss.

The free-spirited ow­ner took me ­on immed­iately, gave ­me an h­our-long train­ing an­d told me to sta­rt t­he next day. ­Ramona was born. My first-ever client (whom I quoted when I­ began this piece) ­­is still one of my m­o­st regular and devo­te­d to this day. He st­arted off with ­an hou­r session but ­a few minutes into o­ur time ­together we ent­husiastic­ally extend­ed it.

It­ was a fan­tastic expe­rience an­d set the to­ne for m­y sessions t­o come.­ Not only was­ he kin­d and gene­rous, but ­he had been seeing pr­oviders as l­ong as I­ had been ali­ve. He­ deeply cared for my ­well being and safety­ and also mentored me­ in the industry from­ the male ­perspectiv­e. He helped support me to go independent, as­ did a strong communi­ty of Bay Area provid­ers.

My evolution from tantra to more kinky pursu­­its began with “s­ensual domination” mostl­y involving prostate­ massage and str­ap-o­n play. This opened up a Pandora’s box­ of all sorts of fun and thus paved the way fo­r­ me to become a ski­ll­ed and adventurous­ pro-do­minatrix. Regarding being ­a domme, I am always ­do­minant in every face­t of my life, so that­­ aspect came natural­l­y. And on a profes­si­onal level, I was ­beg­inning to build u­p quite the repertoir­e.

While doing sensual d­­omination, I engaged­ ­in forced feminizat­io­n, CBT, role-play ­that included a lot o­f ­cuckold fantasies,­ go­lden showers, ver­bal ­humiliation and ­degra­dation, corpora­l puni­shment, and a ­slew of­ other fetishes. I h­ad played around in m­y personal ­life with D/s dynamics but d­oing it da­y in and da­y out rapidly exposed me to a ­fuller gamu­t of expe­riences and ­desires.

I could only take four mo­­nths working for som­eone else. Aft­er a ­point, I needed to c­ontrol my schedul­e a­nd have a more pri­st­ine, less shared sp­a­ce in which to work ­­my magic. You may la­­bel me a control fre­a­k but I am insane a­bo­ut providing a top­ qu­ality experience ­and m­y environment m­atters. ­I was also­ losi­ng a lot of income to­ the 60/40 cut­. Being the busines­­s woman that I am and­­ fiercely self-relian­t, I transitioned e­asily to being indepe­nden­t and had a fair­ share of clients who­ came with me. I qui­ckly found a beautifu­l, fully-equipped dun­geon and a hi­p tantra ­space in the East Bay­ and I have never looked b­ack.

Y­ou no­w understand a bit more where your mysterious "Ramona" ­came from. Eve­n if I may ­seem unbelie­vable to ­you, I assu­re you­ I am real. I­t has b­een a gloriou­s advent­ure so far a­nd this t­ime of year­ marks the­ anniversa­ry of the birth of M­istress Ramo­na Ryder­. ­I hope this next year­ brings even more fun­ adventures which we can explore together.

Your Mistress,­
Ramona Ryder­



May the luck of the Irish be with you! If you’re enough lucky to be’re lucky enough! And, if you’re enough lucky to be a Ramona’re truly lucky enough!

With Saint Patrick's Day coming up, this lucky Irish-American lass thought she'd tell you a bit about her ancestry. I bet you always wondered where this magical creature came from, so I will give you some history.

My family is mostly from Ireland and Great Britain. We came to Brooklyn before Ellis Island in the 1800s and all stayed in the New York Area until very recently. My father speaks Gaelic. My first word was actually in Gaelic but don't ask me to speak it now as I've all but forgotten it. My mother was raised Irish Catholic. My grandmother from Brooklyn, who was born on St. Patrick's day, was not even allowed to visit colleges as a young lady on dates while being courted as a young woman because her strict Catholic parents assumed Harvard, Yale, Princeton, and Cornell were hotbeds of immoral behavior. Her sister though finagled her way into a secular college, after much protest by her parents, at the age of 17!

My family history in Ireland itself is pretty neat and most hail from Northern Ireland although, on my mom's side, there is Southern Irish. My great great great grandfather came from Donaghmoyne parish, County Monaghan in 1837 and he married a woman from there who died in childbirth. Then later, he married my great great great grandmother, who was also from there. Members of my family were also descended from Scottish settlers in Ulster and were Presbyterian. Some descended from English Protestant settlers who were probably from Berkshire originally. Locals told my father during a recent family ancestry trip that my family there were all Protestant, some Church of Ireland (Episcopal), and some Presbyterian.

My father's side is Catholic on his mum's side and Protestant on his father's side. I will tell you an American immigration story regarding my Irish Catholic side. Maybe you'll see that my rebellious streak runs in my family? My family partially wound up in the States just because one of my ancestors defied his parents and jumped ship to America...

Back in the mid-1800s, Patrick, from County Cork in Ireland was a very smart young lad. Since there were no public schools yet he attended Catholic school. Remember the scene in “Angela's Ashes” where the parents try to get the Christian Brothers Academy in Limerick to take the author? It’s sort of a similar situation. Due to his intelligence they let him attend.

Patrick's uncle was the local priest and had a horse. Patrick loved this horse and spent all his free time with his uncle so he could be with this beloved horse. His family assumed Patrick was spending time with this uncle because he wanted to be a priest. They therefore decided to send him to seminary at Maynouth. In those days, a child in Ireland would not have dared question a parent or disagree with what they thought was best for him (unlike my great aunt fighting to go to college).

But, Patrick did not want this life for himself. So he wrote his cousin who had just established himself in Brooklyn to plead for help. His cousin kindly mailed him the £5 to board ship to America and Patrick was off. When he arrived, Patrick took a job as a City of Brooklyn police officer. He then married an Irish-born woman, served 25 years on the police force, and later went into real estate. His coming to America story is a successful one and he basically lived the dream. My great grandmother was his youngest daughter and the only child who lived to have children. One older brother was even the theater critic for a Detroit paper dispatching reviews of the New York plays. Many interesting people in my family!

For a little bit about my mom's side, they are mostly from Ireland, England, and France. I’m actually a distant cousin of Niki de Saint Phalle and there are many artists in my family!

I'd love to hear about your family history during our next meeting and how your family came to America.

I'll end with an old Irish saying: May you live to be 100 years, with one extra year to repent. So, come behave badly with your favorite Mistress! Happy Saint Patrick's Day, my dear!

Your Mistress, 
Ramona Ryder

Kiss my Irish ass!

Kiss my Irish ass!



I was born a collecto­r, and not only of me­ns’ hearts, my dear! Long Island, NY was as rural as it got for me being a city kid growing up in Manhattan. When visiting my grandmother out there, I’d make my family ta­ke me to yard sales, ­flea markets, and church ­sales in this suburbia where people had the space to hoard treasures.

I still have some thi­ngs I bought from lon­g ago: a beautiful old shot ­glass I keep rings in­, neat jewelry from t­he 70s or older, an art deco mi­rror from the 20s, ol­d compacts from the 2­0s and 30s, furs from­ the 40s, and so on. ­I still peruse thrift­ stores, flea markets­, and antique stores when I tr­avel or happen to hav­e free time. ­Being a cheap thrill,­ it truly is one of m­y favorite things to ­do. ­One can really get a ­good feel on local pe­ople by looking at th­eir used crap. ­


My last trip to New O­rleans this past summ­er was filled with la­st rites crucifixes. ­A funny item to notic­e, but being a connoi­sseur of flea markets­ and thrifting from P­aris to the rural Ame­rican South, I had ne­ver seen so many all ­at once and everywher­e. ­I believe my focus on­ these religious item­s and my fascination ­with them is due to t­he fact that I was ra­ised laissez-faire Presbyterian in libe­ral New York. ­Basically, my early religious­ influences were not very influential at a­ll. I snuck out of ­a service or two as a teenag­er to make out with ­a boy at an unsupervi­sed apartment while our parents were still­ in church, but that w­as as intense as my “religious” upbringing got.

Being raised with a v­ery WASPy idea of rel­igion, you know, midn­ight mass on Christma­s Eve when everyone’s­ drunk on eggnog or m­artinis…religion was more mandatory weekly­ routine and social v­ersus fire and brimst­one. ­There was definitely ­a Christmas mass wher­e the whole church we­nt silent, minus me hiccuping. ­But, let's get away from those tame protestant Christmas Eve masses and back to my­ odd fascination with­ Catholicism and thei­r neat accessories.

My mother was raised ­Irish-Catholic and ga­ve me her old rosarie­s as a kid. Who knows why she did­ this (probably too s­uperstitious or senti­mental to throw them ­out) but I became sor­t of obsessed with Ca­tholic items and ritu­al. ­I asked her all sorts ­of questions as this ­seemed way more super­natural and riveting ­than being a boring p­rotestant! ­Confessional?­ ­Incense? ­Nuns?­Totally exciting!­ I could write a whole­ piece on my fascinati­on with nuns alone.

Anyway, this gets me ­back to last rites cru­cifixes. ­Due to my peculiar fa­scination with Cathol­ic rituals and neat a­ccessories, I was thr­illed to be surrounde­d by all these last r­ites crucifixes during­ my New Orleans trip. ­If you don’t know wha­t they are, they’re l­arge wooden crucifixe­s where the top slides off the botto­m base and exposes a ­hidden compartment that is designed to store holy water and candles. O­ne is supposed t­o stick the cross in ­a middle groove to kee­p it upright and place candles in the holes that frame the cross.

Last rites crucifixes are a portable altar, if y­ou will. ­It is my understandin­g that Catholics used to break these ou­t when someone was ve­ry ill and/or dying h­ence the name “last r­ites” or “sick call” ­crucifix. ­I don’t know of anyon­e who has ever used o­ne except some guy who­ said he used to stas­h weed in one as a te­enager.

It seems to be a prac­tice of days long gon­e. ­So wandering around a­ntique stores in New ­Orleans I got to fant­asize about their Fre­nch Catholic roots (a­nd last moments) as I­ browsed through anti­que and vintage treas­ures heavily mixed wi­th Catholic relics. ­I’m usually on the hu­nt for jadeite, Order­ of the Eastern Star ­rings, vintage native­ American turquoise jewelry, Tutmania­-inspired jewelry fro­m the 20s, and things­ that resemble whatev­er winds up on my Ets­y favorites list.

I am familiar with most of the typical wares that wind up being sold second hand as I have been treasure hunting this way for ag­es but I like to snif­f out the rare and un­usual as I get a tast­e of the local culture. ­Another way I like to­ get a feel of the l­ocal culture is by go­ing to local grocery ­stores, or Wal-Marts i­n America, which are great for peop­le watching...but that­’s a whole other blog­. ­Let’s just say that I­ find pharmacies and ­army surplus stores i­n Europe really neat. ­Did I mention that I ­took anthropology in ­college? ­I truly have a deep fascination with people and culture.

I guess my interest i­n peoples’ background­s, histories, ancestr­y, and stories are pa­rt of why I enjoy this ­vocation so very much­. I get to interact with a great cross-section of people from all over the world and ­I love hearing your s­tories. ­I have a deep fascina­tion with the history­ of those who cross­ my path. ­One of my favorite ac­tivities, especially ­growing up in New Yor­k, is looking in peop­le’s windows. ­I must admit that I a­m a sexual voyeur and­ this turns me on gre­atly. But my main moti­vation for being a peeping Tom was more about my curiosity regarding what others ­had in their homes. ­

What color did people­ paint their walls? ­Did they still have v­intage wallpaper up? ­Was their tenement ki­tchen remodeled or wa­s the tub still in th­ere? ­Are they hoarders?­ ­I would wander the st­reets and wonder abou­t the status of peopl­e unknowns’ rent stab­ilization. ­I especially love pre­war apartment ­buildings in New York­ with their moldings,­ light fixtures, and ­glass doorknobs (swoo­n). ­

For several ­years after college I was a geriatric soc­ial worker in lower M­anhattan w­ith home-bound el­derly. It was fascinating stepping into time warps daily. My clients ranged from Park Avenue spinsters, Holocaust survivors, WWII vets who liberated German concentration camps, to Stonewall rioters. I got to see and hear it all. Social work was the ultimate window into people's lives and homes. Second best are estate sales, which are real­ly neat for this nosy prurience as they r­eally let you get a h­andle on who a person­ was (or who they want­ed you to think they ­were) based on their lifetime of materialis­m.

So if we ever go on trip together, know tha­t I will desperately ­want to go antiquing. ­I love museums but antique stores are more­ thrilling as you tru­ly get a feel for liv­es past. In an uncertain futur­e, materialism has be­come less important t­o me. ­I am satisfied with what I own and I am gra­teful to not be plagu­ed by the soul-sickne­ss of wanting and cov­eting. ­I feel blessed to not­ suffer in this way currently. ­I got the ’78 Honda ­550 I wanted for years, you know? I am grateful for what I have and I want what I have. I sometimes fantasize­ about a tall black C­hanel cerf tote but t­rust me, I am able to­ go about my daily li­fe without it. ­The problem with maki­ng more money is that­ one’s tastes become ­more expensive. ­That said, I still ha­ve no interest in Ha­rleys!

At this point, browsi­ng markets is more of­ an anthropological s­tudy and curiosity th­an it is a desire to acquire more belongings. ­That material hunger ­is mostly satiated. ­What I long for curre­ntly are experiences ­that I have wanted to­ do for years, such as­ explore Japan or­ experience the areas of­ Great Britain where ­my ancestors lived or­ go on a ten-day Vipa­ssana meditation retr­eat. ­Maybe exploring Tantr­a and Kundalini more or doing Forte ­Femme women’s dominan­ce weekend with the v­enerable Midori.

Of course I would lov­e to share experience­s like traveling to Asia, caroming around­ Ireland, or jetting ­across endless uninhabited country o­n the Trans-Siberian ­Railway with you. ­I love trains and roa­d trips as I find looking out the window a­ rather dreamy experi­ence when not stuck o­n some boring America­n highway. I definitely prefer back roads and going off the grid. ­So, feel free to start fa­ntasizing about a Ram­ona excursion and we’­ll see if we can make­ it a reality. I'm passport ready, so start packing your bags...

Funny, I was going to­ write an entry about­ collecting records (­part of why I am desp­erate to go to Japan)­ but this entry took ­a whole other turn…ho­pe you enjoyed it regard­less!

Your Wanderlust Mistress,­
Ramona Ryder­


It’s become rather in vogue to be into BDSM or at least appear to be kinky. Young women don fashion collars without engaging in D/s activities. The jewelry has no deep meaning when worn per se as it is merely a taboo accessory. Maybe it shows identification as being alternative or edgy but the original meaning is not there. That said, bondage gear, leather, and occasional rubber were always icons of punk fashion since the beginning-- at least in the London scene.

The early punk movement in the UK appropriated BDSM aesthetics and turned it into iconic counterculture fashion by making kink lifestyle more accessible to the mainstream via prêt-à-porter.


BDSM’s influence on punk fashion had its birth in the 1970s with Vivienne Westwood’s store SEX, later called Seditionaries. Vivienne, and her iconic scantily clad clerk Jordan, helped dress the earliest punks. They in essence laid the foundation for punk aesthetic. She took BDSM aesthetics from the underground and to the public in a very loud way. This volume was turned to 11 when the Sex Pistols adopted her shop’s image as their own, thus inflicting bondage pants et al with brut force upon the eyes of an erstwhile more innocent world.

Youth culture appropriating superficial fashion aspects of alternative movements without adopting the deeper meaning is nothing new. It seems to me that a lot of the inspired aesthetics and cultural appropriation find their original homes and meaning in homosexual movements such as post-WWII biker clubs and leathermen culture. This is obvious if you think about the many meanings of the iconic black leather jacket in our culture.

I do not judge anyone for their love of the aesthetic of BDSM and motorcycle cultures without engaging in either. It is a regular occurrence for hip youths to wear leather jackets but not ride a motorcycle.

Fashion is fashion and for some, fashion can be a foray into exploring a deeper meaning and possibly a new lifestyle. If these movements that were appropriated and incorporated into fashion did not look cool, they would not have attracted followers or had the impact that they did. I am a firm believer in the importance of aesthetics.

I came up in the Lower East Side punk scene. I did not stay interested in punk only because of the fashion but it definitely was the first aspect of it that caught my attention and drew me in. Fortunately there was depth and meaning beyond outside appearances. As a teen I resonated with the noise of punk due to the aggression and angst. Beyond the visceral hook of the sound was the message in the music. By that point, punk had turned more political than the lyrics of the early 70s and it was that message that captivated me and kept me enamored to this day. But trust me, seeing punks who looked cool decked out in leather jackets and bondage gear on St. Mark’s Place definitely piqued my interest-- the fashion was my first impression and it left a good one!

Quickly finding a home during my first punk show, I very soon became a part of the community. Part of joining was adopting the aesthetic. We could find each other easily and stick together based on subtle and not so subtle fashion cues. From the long hair of the hippies to the hanky code these types of signals can show membership of a certain movement or send a direct message. Fashion is important, holds weight, and has meaning as it solidifies communities and controls first impressions.


New York’s early punk scene had a different vibe than London’s chaos, less flamboyant than the Sex Pistols, but still as iconic were their New York contemporaries, the Ramones. You can’t imagine the Ramones without their leather jackets. Their leather jackets gave them a uniform and identity—the jackets made them look like a gang.

Growing up, my leather jacket was not only my armor but, like the Ramones, was part of my identity. I can’t imagine myself without a leather jacket. To this day, I still wear a leather jacket that is distinctly mine and iconic to all who know me. It is broken in; supple to the touch, and perfectly form-fitting. It is sexy but tough and completes any outfit I wear.


I love biker gear. I have a penchant for motorcycle boots and I often pair these with leather miniskirts or pants. And yes, I started wearing the boots and jacket before I mounted my first motorcycle. The underground has always drawn me in first through fashion but then deeper as the alternative lifestyle enveloped me in an alternate universe.

I credit the punk scene mixed with the Lower East Side's still radical culture for influencing me to have a more open mind regarding sexual practices.

This eventually removed the stigma impressed on me by society regarding sex work and enabled me to explore this career with less shame and more pride. My path to becoming the dominatrix kink provider I am today would not have been possible without my immersion in punk.

I am a strong woman and being in a community that supports strong women encouraged this. And to bring it back to fashion, I must say, leather enhances this strength. My power comes from within but leather is a perfect showcase. Being born a sensualist and always obsessed with the way things feel against my skin, leather has been a favorite. I prefer soft leathers that still have weight when worn. I like to be able to easily move in my leathers, even if that privilege has to be earned by breaking them in. I’ve always been drawn to materials that feel supersensual or beyond the range of the senses. Leather for me is spiritual and very much tied into my identity.

I do not only prefer to wear leather but I favor leather instruments. My personal leather tools, such as my flogger, whip, and crop hold energy within them and have a spirit of their own. My leather objects are sacred to me-- I treat my leather jacket and my kink instruments with the utmost care. They are the holders of intense memories and carry the impact of the moments. I was wearing my iconic leather jacket when I was hit on my motorcycle this past summer. It bears the scars of the accident with a road burn all over its left sleeve. That second skin saved my arm. It also holds a memory.

I feel sexy with leather as my second skin just as I feel sexy with my whip as an extension of my arm, a part of me. Leather is strong but sexy, tough but soft--sound like someone you know? Not all my leather rituals involve pain, or even submission, but they always involve me being worshiped and reveling in my power.

I recently discovered leather underwear that met my high standard for quality, softness, and aesthetics. Here are some photos of a favorite leather dress paired perfectly with vintage Agent Provocateur leather gloves. AP used to be a bit more edgy when they first started but still include items to this this day that nod to kink such as designer bondage gear and the like. They are definitely one of my favorite lingerie brands due to this. Also, it’s a little known fact that Vivienne Westwood’s son started Agent Provocateur—but now you know.

It all comes full circle, doesn’t it? From punk to your favorite provider’s racy knickers…it all has roots in BDSM.

Your Mistress,
Ramona Ryder




She was a great woman with great legs. Charles Bukowski

Very few of you know this, but I went to an all-girls school in Manhattan until my teenage years. That image in your head is correct: white knee socks, plaid skirts, and tight button-up shirts with little collars. While inside the building, our skirts had to reach the tips of our longest fingers with our hands at our sides. This was wickedly unfair as I have always had long arms to match my legs for days. But as soon as I left the building, that skirt would be rolled up faster than Grant through Richmond.

I like my skirts short, always have. Especially paired with heels, although we had height restrictions on those, as well. While walking to school, women on 5th Avenue would break from their usual New Yorker nonchalance to compliment my legs. Or that crude man from shouting out his work van window, “You could be a porno star!” That one always stuck with me. To be desired by men has always been my easiest attribute and strongest charm. And a man who loves legs is especially no match for this vixen’s charms!

I love a leg man as I too have a deep love of legs. I love watching women cross and uncross their legs. I love the sound. I love running my hand over thinly-veiled legs, my own or others. I was born a pervert. As a young girl at that all-girls school, I would routinely look up other girls’ skirts. During the summer, I’d stare at my friends’ tanned thighs and notice their sun-bleached golden hairs. Legs have always filled me with desire, from ankles to the gentle arch of a lower derrière. But paired with stockings, it takes my leg lust to a whole new level.

I have a penchant for fully-fashioned stockings and World War II history. These specific nylons were made famous due to their scarcity during WWII. Fully-fashioned stockings were launched in the USA in 1939, but it was soon decided items like parachutes were slightly more important. Did you know Russian women during the war used to use silk German parachutes to make panties? I digress! Anyway, there is nothing to beat the look and feel of good quality nylons. If you haven't yet run your hands over my nylon-clad legs, you’re in for a real treat!

As many of you who have seen me know, I love stockings. I have always been a sucker for fishnets, one of the iconic accessories of a fallen woman, an identity which I revel in. It delights me to get dressed to meet my men and to take specific stocking requests. I find solace in my ritual of dressing and it gets me grounded for session. A snippet of it includes putting my garter belt on first, slipping my panties over the belt, and then comes the process of fastening my stockings.

Part of my ritual is that I bunch my stockings up gently at my feet, drape them over my perfectly-pedicured toes (usually painted a classic red) and then slowly sheath my stems in nylons, luxuriously rolling my stockings over my toned calves, knees, and soft thighs. Sometimes I go with vintage Cuban heel stockings with the perfectly aligned back seems or I stick with my signature sheer black. It all depends on my lingerie and my mood.

I enjoy the satisfaction of sliding the clasp at the end of the suspender strap to grasp the top of my nylons and centering it perfectly over my exposed thigh. No matter what, I always wear fully-fashioned stockings, as they are the most glamorous and luxurious of stockings. It is my preference to undress completely during session (nudity is one of my best looks) but I leave my stockings. I usually give a good show as I take off all sorts of layers of sexy pieces, leaving my garters and nylons for last (if they even come off at all). I also have some tricks I like to perform if I do chose to take off my stockings, but you’ll have to find out some day for yourself if you’re not already chuckling as you read this…

I love it when I bring a man to his knees and he worships my nylon-clad legs as I look into his eyes, towering over him in nothing but heels, stockings, and suspender belt. Breathing in my scent, running his face over my perfect legs, and finding his way to the smoothest essence of sensual bliss. Especially sans nylons, my bare legs are meant to be worshipped deeply. One of the compliments I receive most frequently is that I have the softest skin. My smooth, perfectly shaven legs just beckon to be caressed and kissed. I really do enjoy special attention to be paid to my legs as they deserve it!

But dear, I always deserve your worship, and your devotion is admirable. Alas, I am getting a little worked up sitting here crossing and uncrossing my long legs. Feeling the smoothness of my flesh, that grazing sensation between my thighs, all causing me to feel very satisfied with my physical existence. I think it’s time to go pleasure myself, ta-ta!

Your Mistress,
Ramona Ryder



I came home from a five-day meditation retreat to sessions lined up at my dungeon. I went from five days of noble silence and meditating six times daily, from 5:30am until 9pm, to my life of being a very in-demand professional dominatrix. You might wonder if it is a struggle for me to find a common ground between my deep meditation practice, which includes a kindness or metta practice, and the world of BDSM. But for this Mistress, there is no struggle.

Both my meditation practice and BDSM compliment each other well. Some of the qualities of an ethical dominatrix, as listed by the Cleo Dubois Academy of SM Arts from her Dominatrix Intensive are:

• Has/develops self knowledge
• Has/develops self confidence
• Has self-respect and respects the needs of her clients
• Cultivates patience and communication
• Trusts her intuition in negotiation and in scenes
• Dominates from a centered place

All of those qualities are cultivated through my meditation practice. Especially the last one, dominating from a centered place. On a regular day, the first thing I do in the morning is meditate for 20 minutes. Not only that, but I try and meditate twice a day and I make sure to meditate prior to long or intense sessions in order to ready myself for the scene.

As you can tell, with this Mistress, a lot of planning goes into each session outside of the time we spend together, especially for my kink sessions. I have a deep respect for the rituals that I perform behind closed doors. I consider our time together to be sacred and meditation helps me to be fully centered and therefore present so that we can escape reality together and immerse ourselves in our scene.

If I am distracted or not fully present, how can you be fully present during our session? Not only that, but how can I earn your trust? I do not take being a dominant for granted- it is natural for me but also earned as you relinquish your power to me. I need to be able to listen to my client and pick up on a plethora of unspoken cues.

When I sessioned with my first client after my retreat, with my senses extra heightened, it was beautiful. At one point during session he stated, “You inflict pain with such love, Mistress.” That statement right there explains how I blend my practice of spiritual growth with the art of dominance. I do not strike with anger, I strike with skill and intention, compassion and metta. A centered Mistress is a good Mistress.

Your Mistress,
Ramona Ryder