Well, I've never done nothing
That's ever gonna shame my life
Come around any time you like, honey
There ain't no shame in my bed at night
I'm gonna rip you limb from limb
Sink my claws into your velvet skin
Well, I've never done nothing
That's ever gonna shame my life
Come around any time you like, honey
There ain't no shame in my bed at night
I'm gonna rip you limb from limb
Sink my claws into your velvet skin
Apparently I am already wet for you, my dear!
AS OF LATE JULY 2018, TER HAS CHANGED MANY ASPECTS OF THEIR SITE, SO THE TIPS BELOW REGARDING CONTINUED USEAGE OF TER ARE MOSTLY RENDERED IRRELEVANT. BUT TIPS ON SURFING THE WEB SAFELY ARE STILL PERTINENT, SO READ ON!
Don’t be a slave to the new rules and regulations online! For those of you who loved The Erotic Review (TER) and used it regularly, I share your pain- TER was the most trusted and established review board in our community. The great thing about TER was the fact that clients could read provider reviews, but providers could also read the reviews clients left; the screening went both ways. Due to this, I got some of my best clients off TER and if a man left inappropriate or derogatory reviews, I steered clear! Additionally, providers were able to white-list clients whom they had seen to flag them as safe to other providers. When we lost TER, we lost yet another safety and screening resource. I have to say that reviewer culture is not necessarily a good thing, as TER is basically Yelp for sex work which can be deemed as degrading, but it was still a great resource for many of us.
Everyone is acting like TER is kaput, but it is actually still active. TER is “unavailable” to those in the USA due to the new laws but there are ways around these new restrictions. If you are using a computer within the United States and want to access TER, you merely have to configure your internet connection to be from a non-US based location or have an anonymous connection. There are two easy ways to do this and I will explain them both.
VPN: A Virtual Private Network, or VPN, allows users to securely access a private network and share data remotely through public networks. Much like a firewall protects data on a computer, a VPN protects it online and gives users greater anonymity. If you have more questions about what a VPN is and how it works, then please check out this beginner’s guide.
I suggest purchasing a VPN to use on your phone and computer and setting it to a non-US location, such as Switzerland. I use a VPN on my iPhone and my Mac and it has served me well for purposes of using TER. I really use my VPN only when using TER or when using free public Wi-Fi. I could have it on all the time, but if you go on Google, for example, and your VPN is set to France then your results will come up in French and will be marketed toward users located in France. Additionally, when one's VPN is active it can interfere with the usage of things like Netflix. I have been informed by a security expert that NordVPN or TunnelBear VPN is a solid option for PCs and for Macs, ExpressVPN is a good service.
I asked another security specialist about free options for VPN usage and he stated, “There are free VPN services, but they are generally slow and unreliable (or unsafe due to malware). The closest credible guide I could find is here. But in general, if for your clients, I would recommend they pay.”
TOR Browser: Not recommended for use on a work computer as HR can monitor the use of a TOR browser on a work computer. The Onion Router, or TOR browser, was developed so that people could browse the internet anonymously. The TOR network disguises users’ identities by moving their traffic across different TOR servers, and then encrypting that traffic so it cannot be traced back to the user. I found that downloading TOR was similar to downloading Firefox or Google Chrome and, just like those applications, it was free. But unlike those applications, it is a non-profit dedicated to internet security and it is not mining your data. Overall, TOR is just another platform to surf the web, but it just happens to be discreet. When using the internet via the TOR browser, it prevents other parties from monitoring your Internet connection, such as learning what sites you visit, and it prevents the sites you visit from learning your physical location.
Brave is another private browser which has TOR built into to its privacy mode. Brave loads major news sites two to eight times faster than Chrome and Safari on mobile, and nearly two times faster than Chrome on desktop.
For the extra paranoid, you can use a TOR with a VPN.
How to use TER post-SESTA/FOSTA: You’re back online with TER through the use of a VPN or TOR browser, now what? TER as you knew it is a bit different these days. Below are some tips on how to navigate TER now that reviews and profiles of US-based providers are no longer viewable and that the US-based ad boards are inactive.
How to find providers in specific US cities: One can search via the area code of the city where you want to find a provider. Providers have given TER their phone numbers, even if these are not public on their review page, and they will come up in the search. For example, if you are looking for a provider in San Francisco and the Bay Area, you would search the area code “415.” You can figure out the area codes of certain cities are by asking your search engine, “What is the area code for San Francisco?”
Many providers, in an effort to keep their reviews public, have changed their primary location to a non-US location. I frequently tour Japan so my primary location is now Tokyo, even though I am mainly a Bay Area provider. I still come up as San Francisco when searching by area code as I have a 415 number.
On the homepage, you will see “Find Providers” under “Quick Search” and you can just type in the area code in the “Phone” box or you can select “Advanced Search” and type in the area code in the “Area Code” box. I suggest using the “Area Code” box but either way, providers with “415” numbers will appear.
How to find providers by photo and city: The photo board is still active, and providers can post their primary city and the cities that they frequently tour in the title of their photo post. You can find the photo board by selecting “Discussion Boards” and then selecting “Photo Only” under “TER General Boards.”
This whole TER ban in the USA has been a major headache for me. I was not happy when my two main sources of new clients, TER and NightShift, got shut down. I was at the top of my game on both sites and they both got me solid business. Those reviews (especially my TER reviews) helped me get amazing new clients in a secretive world where traditional word of mouth doesn’t really exist.
SESTA/FOSTA has definitely fucked our shit up but we are a crafty community of sexual deviants who will not be suppressed! The world’s oldest profession will continue to exist and adapt as needed. Remember when the phone book became obsolete or when Red Book went down? I don’t but many of you, who have been in the game way longer, most certainly do and you still found me online! Again, on TER I am still listed in the top 100 international providers (currently number 12) and you can find me on the photo board with San Francisco, New York City, Los Angeles, and now Portland as my primary cities. You can also read some of my favorite excerpts from TER and Night Shift reviews on the Praise Page on my website.
To my fellow providers: If you want your reviews to be public again and to come up in area code search results, then please set your primary location overseas. I suggest you also post to the photo board and you can use TinyPic to upload photos. Any provider who gets to see one of my men because of this knowledge that I just dropped is a lucky girl; I abhor scarcity mentality and cattiness. I hope this has helped clients and fellow providers alike- stay safe and naughty out there!
Where there is a will, there is a way.
xx Ramona Ryder
Relevant feedback to this blog as of August 2018:
One client stated that, "TER has recently made it a little harder as they are now requiring "proof" provider home base is outside US." My work around for this providers is to set your ad location on another ad site to another country and send them that link as verification. After you are verified, switch it back to your US location.
Another client wrote, after logging on with my TER aforementioned tips, “Every provider I looked up in the US was completely blank. There were no reviews to be seen. They appeared to all have been taken down and all I got was a note that this person's reviews were no longer on the site.” Yes- if a provider does not change their location to a non-US based location then their reviews will not be visible. Therefore, both providers and hobbyists need to be on board to make this a viable option to continue to use TER as a resource.
If you go home with somebody, and they don't have books, don't fuck 'em!
- John Waters
If you have not yet heard about Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act (FOSTA) and Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act (SESTA), then I hope this piece will give you a general understanding of the current political climate regarding online marketing for sex work and how it is hurting sex workers. Those being impacted range from Dommes to escorts to porn actors- it is hurting everyone in the industry. These bills conflate sex trafficking with any kind of sex work and are touted as an effort to protect trafficked victims but in reality, they are a brutal attack on consensual sex workers and another nail in the coffin of our First and Fourth Amendment rights.
When President Trump signed the bills, he gave federal and state prosecutors greater power to pursue websites that host ads with any potential to aid sex trafficking. To sum it up: it makes websites liable for what users say and do on their platforms; these websites have in turn deleted or revoked certain parts of their sites or their entire platform. The bills undermine essential internet freedoms and go against our First Amendment rights. The consequences of this have not only affected sex workers’ freedom of speech but also sex workers’ Fourth Amendment rights, which protects us from unreasonable searches and seizures by the government. Our online product is being shut down, revoked, and our electronic funds are being seized and frozen. We have no answers as to what the future holds for our online existence and businesses.
SESTA and FOSTA are just beginning to be put into action as they make their way through the legal system. At the moment, they are going after platforms, not individuals. The reason the ad sites and any hosting sites of online communication are rapidly revising their terms of service or are terminated (for now) is that they are scared that they could be liable for the behavior of its users. That’s right- if I meet you through a personals ad posted on Craigslist and we do something illegal, Craigslist is now liable, hence Craigslist no longer has a personals section. Even Twitter is worried about being liable. Their new terms of service states that, “we consider adult content to be any media that is pornographic and/or may be intended to cause sexual arousal.”
By removing our ad platforms, the government has forced trafficked and “survival” sex workers onto the street causing an increase in sex worker deaths and disappearances. Survival sex workers are those who have a decreased ability to say “no” due to desperation to cover basic needs like food, shelter, and feeding their children. They cannot afford the higher end ad sites that are hosted overseas. At least with initial engagements occurring online, these providers could do their due diligence to feel out and screen new clients, but on the streets, there is very little recourse when things don’t feel safe.
It seems like every day there are new bills, laws, amendments, interpretations, updated terms of service agreements, web hosts suddenly shutting down sex workers’ sites, social media banning accounts, and it just does not end. One provider even had her credit card account closed by a big bank due to using it to pay for her online advertising. Sex workers who get paid electronically for clips or porn are having their online assets seized or frozen. PayPal has always targeted sex workers and since PayPal owns Venmo, it is also not a safe option. Twitter and other social media sites have begun to censor or “shadow ban” all sex workers. Shadow banning, also called stealth banning, ghost banning or comment ghosting, is the act of blocking a user or their content from an online community such that the user does not realize that they have been banned- scary, right? If that is not considered a form of direct censorship, then I don’t know what is.
If you’re curious as to how you can stay up to date on these issues and help fight our regression into the dark ages, please visit the following websites and donate anything you can to organizations on the front lines of this fight against this insanity. This is not a comprehensive list of all the sites that are keeping us up to date, serving sex workers, and fighting for our rights, but here are some of them that have come to my attention:
I hope this piece has educated those who have taken the time to read it and aided all my comrades in the fight for our rights. This piece is not the authority on the current state of sex work and the internet; I highly encourage all who are reading this to do their own research. You can read the bills causing this turmoil for yourself here:
Mistress Ramona Ryder
If you are a provider and/or educator who wishes to repost this piece, please ask permission by writing me at mistressramonaryder (at) protonmail (dot) ch.
I am definitely a prurient princess everyday but my life is not all about hedonism. The first thing I do when I wake up is meditate for thirty minutes. Unless, of course, I have chosen to get off immediately upon awakening- I do enjoy morning pleasure! After I meditate, I make tea and eat breakfast. I like to listen to NPR and read the New York Times in the morning; I feel it is my duty to be informed about the state of affairs, however dismal it may be these days.
I have the same routine when I travel alone. When I travel with my men, I like to wake them up with a sloppy morning blowjob. I try to time this before room service so that we don't have any interruptions. Room and maid service always seem to come at the most inopportune moment! I love to be naughty in those crisp hotel sheets at all hours but especially when we are just beginning to stir in the morning. In order for you to get a sense for what I look like, I thought I'd let you see me without makeup in one of my favorite negligees, casually relaxing at Chateau Marmont in Hollywood.
One thing I always do when I travel abroad is write postcards. I would be happy to send you a postcard from overseas if you give me a discreet address. Postcard and letter writing are indeed a lost art but, nevertheless, one that this old soul has a deep passion for. I refuse to "get with the times" as sending mail is a way of expressing my love and longing- basically, a tangible way of saying, "wish you were here" or conveying that I am thinking about you.
My last big trip was to Cuba over New Years. Cuba just recently reinstated mail service which they had not had since the Revolution. It was very special for me to be able to send postcards from there. They took ages to get to the recipients though- some took two weeks others two months. Just like the Cuban government itself, there was absolutely no logic to this.
I'm signing off for now but I do hope we get to wake up to each other soon. Or, at least, lie around in bed together and be naughty.
xx Ramona Ryder
Tie and tease is bound to please!
xx Ramona Ryder
My favorite shoots are always in Los Angeles. I have a dream team down there who I like to work with; it makes shooting feel more like vacation than work. Although, I must say, it's still not easy holding poses while balancing on sky-high Louboutins all day! My partners in photographic crime consists of my photographer Elizabeth Raab and Seth Asbell who does my hair and makeup. My first shoot with them in 2016 was a perfect match from the beginning even though none of us had ever met, we all came together beautifullyas a team. Seth styled me to look more 1950s pin-up and curled my normally straight hair which made me feel so sexy! We totally channeled Bettie Page in that shoot and Elizabeth gave great direction as a photographer.
We played around with more fetish fantasy and got videos like this during our second shoot together.
The Chateau Marmont shoot was one of my favorites. I'm obsessed with old Hollywood glamour, art deco (Chateau Marmont was built in 1929), and the excesses of a rock'n'roll lifestyle. If you know the history of this legendary place, then you'd understand that this was Ramona's dream land. It reminds me of the Breakers in Palm Beach but with beautiful people instead of stodgy old money. You can feel the history of debauchery in the bones of the entire place- let's just say there has been a lot of naughty behavior there! John Belushi died of a drug overdose in the now infamous Bungalow 3, John Bonham of Led Zeppelin drove his motorcycle through the hotel, Jim Morrison may or may not have fallen off the roof, Billy Idol trashed a hotel room there, and hot messes like Courtney Love have definitely pulled their antics there. While taking photographs on the grounds we got scolded by hotel staff but we still got away with some killer shots. We could not have done that shoot without my loyal lifestyle submissive who captured some teasing video of me, much of which is yet to be released. Expect to see more videos of me throughout 2018!
The most recent shoot was months in the making. I wanted to find the perfect backdrop to capture the true essence of Mistress Ramona; I found it in a gothic castle in the Hollywood Hills/Laurel Canyon. Elizabeth is very resourceful when shooting in confined spaces like hotel rooms but this space allowed us a lot more creative freedom to tell stories through her lens. Here are some spoilers for my yet to be released photos and some behind the scenes shots of your Mistress:
I'm already plotting my next photo session. I just bought a new pair of Louboutins for it and still have an arsenal of virgin lingerie waiting to be seen (and removed) by you. The gothic castle shoot lasted two days and it was a total dream come true in so many ways; thank you for enjoying this fantasy life with me! I had the opportunity to session at the castle and it was so memorable hosting my Los Angeles men in such a magical space.
I look forward to making your fantasies come true whether at Electric Ladyland or during one of my upcoming tours to Osaka, Kyoto, New Orleans, or New York City. Oh, and Los Angeles I plan to be back this year, for sure!
xx Ramona Ryder
xx Ramona Ryder
I love the band The Velvet Underground, they capture that 1960s Warhol Factory-centric highbrow weirdo art and music scene well. Having grown up in New York City, I must admit that any subculture there always feels like the place to be— like it’s really happening. But there is no doubt that the scene from which The Velvet Underground emerged was iconoclastic. Max’s Kansas City, where those pre-punks used to hang out, may have been a bunch of misfits and freaks but the scene consisted of the crème de la crème of society’s rejects like Patti Smith and Jim Carroll.
Nico, who was roaming around at the time, was a Warhol muse. Warhol, the center of that creative community, managed The Velvet Underground for a bit and introduced Nico into their mix. When “Venus in Furs” was recorded it was recorded as The Velvet Underground & Nico. The Velvet Underground had a penchant for taking titles from books. Venus in Furs is a famous BDSM themed book and The Velvet Underground’s name comes from another book about alternative sex culture in post-WWII America called The Velvet Underground.
The book The Velvet Underground was published in 1963 and the band formed around 1964/65. Lou Reed, the singer and guitarist, found a copy of the book lying in the streets of New York City with a friend who liked the title as a band name. Hence, The Velvet Underground as we know it got its name from a book about, according to the dust jacket, “sadists, masochists, and sexual mavericks of every persuasion.” If you’ve ever been in a band then you know how hard it is to come up with a band name! Nico didn’t need a name as she was a name in and of herself. I hope I’m not confusing you but I assure you all roads lead back to perversion and kink with me! This will all come together in the end.
Lou had already written the song “Venus in Furs” by that time in the band’s early history. The song’s title was inspired by the book under the same name by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch. You may recognize masoch from the word masochism. The book Venus in Furs is about a man, Severin, obsessed with cruel women, (after a terrifying but arousing childhood experience involving an aunt, restraint, fur, and a serious beating) who begs a woman, Wanda, to take him on as her slave. She resists at first but then embraces him as her submissive. The D/s (Dominant/submissive) archetypes and the visual and tactile fetishes conveyed in Venus in Furs are immortalized by Lou Reed in the song almost 100 years after the book’s first publication.
Reading the book Venus in Furs seared that archetype in my brain of a dominant woman adorned in fur. The lyrics of The Velvet Underground captures the basic themes of this dynamic relationship and turns it into an almost Dominatrix cliché which I have channeled in some photo shoots over the years.
Shiny, shiny, shiny boots of leather
Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart
Ermine furs adorn the imperious
Kiss the boot of shiny, shiny leather
Shiny leather in the dark
Taste the whip, in love not given lightly
Taste the whip, now plead for me
— The Velvet Underground
The book captured the craving to submit and the song captured the fetishism and aesthetics of the dominant Mistress. Not to fall down an etymology rabbit hole, but I must elaborate on what I pointed out earlier that masochism is a word derivative of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch’s last name. In a similar vein, Sadism was derived from the name of the Maquis de Sade, another scandalous author from the same era. Literature has played a crucial role in influencing our terminology in kink. The German psychiatrist Richard von Krafft-Ebing introduced the terms "Sadism" and "Masochism"' into medical terminology in his work Neue Forschungen auf dem Gebiet der Psychopathia sexualis ("New research in the area of Psychopathology of Sex") in 1890.
I could go on and on. I love losing myself in books and history as much as I love losing myself in a hot kink scene in session. For those of you new to kink, masochism means one who enjoys pain. Pain can take many forms and pain can be pleasurable or fun such as teasing taunts or playful spankings. My favorite torture to inflict is tease and denial and edge play where you so desperately want relief but I refuse to give it to you. Sadism involves enjoying inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others. I only enjoy sadism when I have a masochistic bottom to receive my hard slaps, playful berating, firm commands, or brutal sensual tease and denial. Maybe you’re a masochist? Maybe you’re just curious? Maybe you’re just a fellow fur and boot fetishist like myself. I invite you to step into my world and quell your curiosity to the tunes of the Velvet Underground. Let me be your Muse.
Your Mistress and Venus in Furs,
xx Ramona Ryder
This year was exceptionally marvelous. I am living my best life and I don’t plan on stopping! My first love is pleasure but my second love is travel and the combination of the two is what my dreams are made of. So let’s see- I kicked off 2017 in a private hot tub under the stars at Calistoga Ranch in Napa Valley with a dear client. And baby, it only got better from there!
I've wanted to go to Japan for as long as I can remember; the stars aligned and it was finally my time to go. My first trip to Japan coincided with cherry blossom season this past April. Seeing the cherry blossoms at Tōdai-ji temple surrounded by deer in Nara was heaven. My second trip was in the fall and autumn was vivid- seeing the leaves change in Kyoto was breathtaking. I really had good timing with both trips. I was also blessed with interesting clients and had a lot of fun with Japanese and expat men alike!
Along with my libido, my collector heart was lit on fire as well. I loved how organized Japanese record stores were. Some of the larger chain music stores even had entire rooms devoted just to punk. It's basically Ramona heaven! I prefered record shopping in Osaka, although the hunt was fun in Tokyo. That said, record shopping in Japan can be confusing; it's hard to tell whether a record is used or a repress as all the vinyl is in such good condition. Basically, it’s a record collector's paradise! I definitely picked up some Japanese pressings of classic Rolling Stones albums with Japanese obi strips and the like as well as many items off my want list within my personal collecting niche: 1980s Japanese hardcore punk. Of course I caught a few live shows both trips which were amazing as I got to see some of my favorite bands. Also, shows in Japan are air-conditioned so I could keep my leather jacket on comfortably which delighted me.
One of my favorite moments in Japan, after a hard day of shopping, was eating sashimi in Kōenji. Kōenji is my favorite district in Tokyo; it has great vintage and record shops. The restaurant was tiny with a little room in the back, past the classic sushi bar. You had to take your shoes off to enter and sat cross-legged on a tatami mat as you were served the most incredible raw fish. I felt amazing after that meal and was truly satiated. There were many moments in Japan where I longed for nothing as I was completely satisfied. It is a place that fulfills many of my desires on so many levels.
Where else did I go this past year that’s worth a mention? Chateau Marmont in Los Angeles was a total blast. I am a sucker for the 1920s glamour and historical rock’n’roll debauchery that haunts every inch of that hotel. Eating in the garden terrace was a delight! I enjoyed staying at the Ace Hotel in New York City and drinking copious amounts of Stumptown decaf Americanos. I always love returning to my hometown during the summer as NYC in the summer is pure magic. I love walking the city streets on hot nights, running into old friends, and people watching. I would choose a crowded subway car over Bay Area traffic any day! Unless I’m on my motorcycle and lane splitting here in the Bay (which is illegal in New York).
I spent some time in the majestic mountains in North Carolina. I did a quick jaunt to Mexico City right after Thanksgiving. I, of course, went to Napa a few times to go wine and dine with a few gents. Well, more like sparkling water and some of the world’s best restaurants. Right now all I can really think about is how I’ll be ringing in the New Year in Havana, Cuba! And then shortly after jetting off to Tokyo…
I am so grateful for this past year and I am filled with excitement for next year’s travels and adventures. To those who have stayed in my life and to those that I have met this year; you are what it means to be generous and thoughtful. To those that I have yet to meet: what are you waiting for? I invite you to be a part of this upcoming New Year with me. So mark your calendars and plan on enjoying another fantastical year with your favorite Mistress!
xx Ramona Ryder
When I get a hold of you honey
Gonna light you up like Christmas
I've been naughty all year long baby!
xx Ramona Ryder
Missed getting her a present in time for Christmas? Well, here's your chance to get on her nice list.
Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
– Ramona Ryder
I usually wake up naturally before or with the sun and I always sleep naked. I begin my days by luxuriating in my Frette sheets as I run my hands over my warm body; feeling my hard nipples, smooth skin, the coolness of the last vestiges of the night’s air gracing my exposed flesh as I watch the blue winter sunrise sneak in through velvet curtains. As I lie there I feel grateful for another day. Many mornings, as I reacquaint myself with being awake, I touch myself.
Starting the day with an orgasm is my secret to my good disposition. Sometimes I orgasm in my sleep which is always so dreamy- it’s amazing how powerful our minds can be! After I have indulged in the warmth of my flesh, I get out of bed, put on a black silk robe, and happily begin another day. As a woman who is devoted to experiencing and giving pleasure I surely have no reason not to delight in my daily existence.
I am truly spoiled between the pleasure that I give myself and the pleasure that is bestowed upon me. But what I love most is giving pleasure to others as this pleases me deeply- I am a very giving woman. So this holiday season treat yourself to some lust indulgence with this Mistress. What better gift to give yourself than the gift of pleasure? I am very naughty but also very nice so spoil yourself my dear as we’ve both earned it all year long. We'll have so much fun immersing ourselves in pure carnality no matter what we get up to! In lust we trust and you can always trust this Mistress to consummate your desires.
xx Ramona Ryder
Are you naughty or nice? Either way, we both get spoiled in the end so indulge my wish list and please your Mistress by surprising me with a gift or donating to a favorite charity. ‘Tis the season for giving, right? Or spoil us both all night long during an overnight and start your day off right by waking up next to me!
Follow me now and you will not regret
Leaving the life you led before we met.
– Black Sabbath
If I had to choose an archetype I identify with, it would be the classic femme fatale. I am the seductress and I always have been. I radiate sex even when I try to behave— it is in my nature. Even sitting in church as a teen I’d watch men stare as I crossed and uncrossed my legs, which I enjoyed immensely, or I’d make eyes at the minister’s son across the pews. I just cannot behave nor do I want to! I have always been consumed with enjoying my physical self and finding any excuse to be naughty, anywhere and anytime. I believe that Ramona Ryder is my destiny.
Giving pleasure and harnessing my sexuality is what I enjoy most in this world and I am grateful to live a life where I can own my strong sexual nature. I love motorcycles, rock’n’roll, sparkling water, and traveling the world, but what it comes down to, in the end, is this: give me sexual pleasure or give me death. Pleasure rules me and I have resigned myself to a hedonistic lifestyle.
According to Asterian astrology, I was born under the star Hades and this star is ruled by Venus. Hades represents the underworld and Venus, as most of you know, presides over love, beauty, desire, and sex. Venus is all about pleasure, especially pleasure shared with someone else. Being born under this alignment has definitely caused my life to be filled with strong sensual energy.
Depending on what mythology one follows, the symbol of Hades is a triangle. The triangle is also the symbol for the vagina and the divine feminine. The triangle references three stars that are also known as "the Buckle of Isis" and were perceived by ancient astrologers to be portals between worlds. So, may I act as your gatekeeper between the world of restrained society and my underworld of debauchery…please take my hand and come with me!
xx Ramona Ryder
"Now I have you with me, under my power
Our love grows stronger now with every hour
Look into my eyes, you'll see who I am
My name is [Ramona], please take my hand"
– Black Sabbath
A client recently gifted me the book Porn Art by Dahmane featuring Chloë des Lysses. He handed it to me saying, “This is the French queen of anal sex for the Bay Area queen of anal sex.” Yes, this man has got me pegged and knows me well. The book features artsy black and white photos of Chloë with insertables in her derrière as if they’re not even there. It’s just her, casually being beautiful with a large dildo inside her rear accompanied by captivating nonchalance. The photos are tasteful and classy even in their perversion. This is the essence that I wish to bring to you in person when we engage in play—an essence of natural and classy perversion.
Anal play has occurred as long as humans have fucked on this Earth but is taboo in our society. I don’t find it taboo at all and I genuinely enjoy it. Chloë in Porn Art is so fantastic because not only does she look comfortable engaging in anal penetration but it also looks natural and normal; she takes the taboo out of it. For her, like me, putting things in her behind is no big deal and is actually a rather pleasant experience. It shouldn’t be a big deal to engage in that form of pleasure.
I am grateful I have yet another way to experience sexual ecstasy through penetration as I have trained my body to enjoy it with ease. My relationship with anal play has evolved over time and I have a deeper level of enjoyment now after years of exploration. My anal journey began while I was in college. I had acquired a nice collection of dildos for hot strap-on play with a girlfriend whom I dated for a few months. I decided to experiment one day as I was home masturbating. I used a smaller dildo from our collection, lubed it up, lubed myself up, and lowered myself onto it.
There’s the initial “holy shit!” feeling when you begin to engage in anal play. This can also be the reaction to the first sensations of entrance if you’re rusty or if a partner (or insertable) has a particularly large girth. That jarring feeling subsided quickly as I focused on my breathing and relaxed. So I kept going and it was great! I used a vibrator on my clit and I got off...hard!
As my anal journey progressed I figured out how to stimulate my G-spot from behind (the tissue between the rectum and vagina is very thin!) and have added a multitude of toys to aid in this form of pleasure. I love using butt plugs alone or with a partner. Pulling gently on it as my clit is pleasured adds a wonderful sensation that creates sensual warmth all around my nether regions. Using a butt plug adds to a tighter sensation during intercourse. I can reach climax through anal penetration alone but it also pairs perfectly with clitoral stimulation. I simply adore getting penetrated from behind – it hits that magic spot deep inside.
Helping men experience their magic spot is also one of my specialties. It is pain-free and pleasurable when anal play or training is done slowly and sensually. The act of working one up also builds trust between us; this intimacy leads to a deeper and more intense session and overall climaxes for all. Therefore, I am a versatile and experienced Anal Queen in regards to receiving and giving but if you only want to give and not receive, that is fine with me! Just gently massaging the rosebud, even without penetration, can add a whole level of sensation to our play! I look forward to experiencing hedonism together: up mine, yours, or both...so all hail to the Anal Queen!
Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use. – Emily Post
I may be a hipster in the streets and a femme fatale in the sheets but I am always a lady at the table. Maybe the last thing you expected to read in a blog post from me is a quote from Emily Post? Well, as you will come to see time and time again, I am full of surprises! And, once you think you have me figured out, this chameleon will always pleasantly surprise you. Luckily for you, you can truly have yourself a girl that “can do both” and Ramona Ryder can do a lot more than both.
I can ride motorcycles and horses, both English and Western styles. I can write dirty smut during the exchanges leading up to our next debauch or I can write a proper thank you note after receiving a thoughtful gift. And yes, I do have my own stationery and send handwritten notes often; a letter always says it better. I can cure what ails you as a naughty nurse and have an in-depth conversation about the current state of our healthcare system and insurance industry (and good medical companies in which to invest). I can deny you a taste for hours during a tease and denial session and then satisfy your hunger during a proper dinner date. My behavior can read like a dirty French novel in session and I can translate the menu at a French restaurant after as we discuss French existentialist writers. Reading No Exit in high school was a game changer but my favorite Sartre drama will always be The Flies. I enjoyed the ghosts of Café de Flore during my last visit. And yes, I have eaten many magical meals in Paris and ordered them in French, mais oui, mon cherie!
On the topic of food, I’m always a little surprised when I go to a Michelin-starred restaurant or Zagat favorite in San Francisco on a dinner date to glance over at the next table and see fellow patrons donning jeans. Maybe I should mind my own business or be less judgmental but this New Yorker refuses to adjust her standards to the multitude of faux pas committed frequently in the Bay Area and in this modern age in general. I remember when I first moved to San Francisco I would run into people and they’d ask, “Oh you look nice, where are you going?” And I would flatly reply, “the supermarket” as if being put together was a special occasion! You can rest assured this girl does not own sweatpants!
For as much of a rebel as I am, or at least appear to be, I most importantly believe in certain traditions and protocols, particularly regarding manners. Maybe one does not know how to use the proper fork during a 5-course tasting menu but if one opens doors for me and thanks the waiter, my heart is always filled with the deepest respect. Having proper manners not only shows one’s true character but it is an act of respect to those around you. Emily Post is right in stating, “Whenever two people come together and their behavior affects one another, you have etiquette.” We have a certain etiquette during our email exchanges, our interactions when we first meet, in session, after session, and when we are out in public. Luckily, I do a thorough job screening, so the men with whom I choose to engage with are always respectful and gracious. Emily Post’s statement that, “Good manners reflect something from inside—an innate sense of consideration for others and respect for self” resonates deeply with me. I am a very lucky prurient Princess as my men do hold themselves to this standard!
That said, I do not agree with Emily Post on certain things as times have definitely changed in many ways since her heyday. I most certainly draw the line with this standard of hers, “Keep your hands to yourself!” In my case, please do not do this as it would, after all, be in poor taste and upset your Mistress deeply…unless I have you tied up, in which case, let me have my way with you like a good boy!
xx Ramona Ryder
Vinyl is the real deal. I’ve always felt like, until you buy the vinyl record, you don’t really own the album. And it’s not just me or a little pet thing or some kind of retro romantic thing from the past. It is still alive. -– Jack White of the White Stripes
My record collection tells the story of my life better than I could in words. Records are a moment in time and act as documentation of who I am. My collection displays a wide array of bands with which I was obsessed, genre rabbit holes I fell down like UK ’82 punk, tours I went on with my bands or others, relics from my travels, gifts from friends and lovers, and so many aurally-triggered memories. If there’s a single with which I become obsessed then I had to track down the 7” or 45 and make it part of my collection. Once I get that uncontrollable urge, whether it’s a noisy punk song or a polished pop hit like Berlin’s The Metro, I have to track it down and make it mine.
I feel like the songs that capture me need to be in my hands in order to consummate the love affair. In a way, it is almost like a snapshot of who I was at that moment when the music moved me. What I was fixated on a few years ago is very different from my current obsessions. Every record I own represents me and showcases the many sides of multi-faceted Ramona Ryder over the years. Music has always been a huge part of my life. Growing up as an only child, the radio was one of the ways I found to entertain myself as my mother would rather read the Sunday Times (or anything, really) in bed than deal with me. I’d make mix tapes and get obsessed with bands, especially on the late-night alternative station. When the internet became a thing, I’d research bands like Nirvana obsessively and learn everything I could about them.
So, if you haven’t already gotten the impression that I am a bit obsessive when I get fixated on things, well, I am a bit obsessive when I get fixated on things. I’m an all-or-nothing kind of gal and my record collection shows it. When I was a teen I found the punk scene and I was off and running. Music basically gave me a reason to wake up in the morning. Attending basement shows led to me getting heavily involved in making punk happen, as I tend to do when I find a passion. The first bands I saw became my friends and we’re still in touch to this day. As I got older (and more organized) I got heavily involved in punk community. I was involved in all aspects from booking shows, being in bands, organizing tours, distributing releases, writing for underground publications, interviews, and hopping in tour vans. Yes, I have definitely been that token cute merch girl on tour!
When I moved from Brooklyn to San Francisco to work at a music magazine I chose to drive cross-country because the thought of shipping my records filled me with dread (as does trusting the postal service in general). What if they got damaged, lost, or stolen? So over the span of five days, I drove across America with my rental SUV filled with black clothing, leather, and vinyl records. I am hopelessly devoted to my records! My materialistic priorities in life are pretty obvious by now but I will say that I tend to give away books. If you’ve ever moved with a serious vinyl record collection then you know that it is a real pain to move them as they are fragile and heavy. I’ve even had nightmares about fires and have woken up in a state of panic trying to decide which records to grab. Basically, my collection owns my heart. I have an emotional investment in my vinyl even though it’s not ideal being so attached to material items. I find a deep solace in hanging out with my collection. I love being able to put on a record, look at the album art, read the lyrics if there’s an insert, and feel that visceral connection. It makes it worth the hassle.
Sometimes people question my love of vinyl as archaic and obsolete and try and point out that it is not a good medium for sound quality. In response, I really like this John Peel quote about the superiority of vinyl records, “Somebody was trying to tell me that CDs are better than vinyl because they don’t have any surface noise. I said, 'Listen, mate, life has surface noise.'” My thoughts exactly, John! How I feel about the analog sound of vinyl records is how I feel about life. I’ll take a first pressing in VG+ condition or better over a digitally remastered MP3 or CD any day. All quotes aside, I am a big fan of John Peel for his support of early punk in the late 1970s in Britain and his insight into music. He had his finger on the pulse on many underground music movements and gave so many incredible bands a platform to reach out of the underground. I definitely own many “Peel Sessions” of my favorite bands from the 70s and 80s (recordings of bands from his show on BBC Radio) on vinyl.
Sometimes I feel I was born too late like I’m not of this generation. I have a landline, I don’t own a television, I read books, and I have my modest record collection. I’m also not on Facebook and I won’t ride a motorcycle or drive a car that I can’t work on myself or have someone explain to me what they are doing in a comprehensible manner. And yes, I drive a stick shift. I also abhor GPS when driving locally. I am a firm believer one should know their way around their own city or town. Does this jumbled list of anti-millennial proclivities make me a Luddite? Or maybe just a hipster (gag me)…whatever, I’m not looking for cool points because I’ve been like this my whole life.
My vinyl obsession even led me to have a record label of my very own for a few years where I distributed internationally. When I decided to end this time-consuming project after ten 7” and flexi releases I had very little inventory to purge and sold it easily. That obsession wrapped up very nicely and it’s another dream that I got to make a reality. My desire for the tangible and tactile is not a new desire for this lady. I guess we both share this passion if you’re reading this. Many of you have driven hours or flown me to you in order to experience Ramona in the flesh. There’s nothing like feeling what you desire in one’s hands, especially when it makes you feel so good.